Your Chalkhills Entrance Exam (compulsory)

Here is the new Chalkhills Entrance Examination (compulsory):

  1. I first heard the music of XTC:
    1. when "Dear God" was on the radio
    2. back when they first started with Barry Andrews
    3. inside my mother's womb
    4. who?
  2. Which version of English Settlement do you own?
    1. the CORRECT one
    2. one of the other ones
  3. The lyrics of the song "Pink Thing" refer to:
    1. a baby
    2. Andy Partridge's penis
    3. David Gilmour's penis
    4. a thing which is colored pink
  4. The lyrics of the song "Grass" refer to:
    1. any of various plants that have jointed stems and bladelike leaves and are cultivated for lawns, used for pasture, or cut for hay
    2. marijuana
    3. Andy Partridge's penis
    4. whatever "Pink Thing" isn't about
  5. When Andy Partridge uses an "extended metaphor" in the lyrics of a song, I feel:
    1. astonished, for I do not understand metaphor
    2. shock, for how can an uneducated person like myself enjoy "college" music?
    3. shame, for Andy's greatness blots out the sun
    4. disgust, for I am a literalist and I prefer songs which require no interpretation, like "All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow
  6. When Andy Partridge uses esoteric "Anglo-isms" in the lyrics of a song, I feel:
    1. my interest being piqued
    2. my national pride burning at a fever pitch and then I get my Cheap Trick records out
    3. confusion and regret at being so ill-informed about the great wide world
    4. nothing, since I am from Swindon, actually
  7. I will make my pilgrimage to Swindon:
    1. tomorrow
    2. next week
    3. I have already made my pilgrimage and have the photos to prove it
    4. I'm making my pilgrimage to Manchester, the boyhood home of Morrisey
  8. Since I am a fan of XTC, you may assume automatically that I also enjoy:
    1. the music of the Beatles
    2. the humor of Monty Python
    3. the country of England
    4. the act of breathing
  9. I hope that XTC will tour (and play their music live):
    1. very much
    2. a lot
    3. to the point where I cannot think about anything else
    4. you mean they stopped touring?
  10. I would characterize my respect and admiration for Chalkhills administrator John Relph as:
    1. poor
    2. fair
    3. good
    4. excellent!

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19 March 1997 | Tom X. Chao