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Subject: Chalkhills Digest #6-239


         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 6, Number 239

                 Tuesday, 15 August 2000

Topics:

                       Tranduisez!
                        New topic
     Listening to Wasp Star again, for the first time
                       MP3 Kills!!
                 Re: ELO, rhymes and Vee
                       Re: Squeeze
                 I'm leaving for a while
                Annnnndaluciiiiiiiaaaaaaa!
               Getting your Liszts mixed up
                 Thanks for reminding me
     Waiting for Cardinal Ximinez or someone like him
                    Skylarking? Bliss
                  unpacked odds and ends
             Popsicle Planted Firmly in Cheek
        Re: Moby vs. a sack of manure -- answered!
                I luv XTC! and other stuff
                  All the children sing!
                     year of the cat

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See a squirrel / In homage making ribbons.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 09:52:00 -0400
From: Gary McBride <garym@usa.com>
Subject: Tranduisez!
Message-ID: <p04320401b5bda6a101a6@[209.118.255.115]>

Thanks to Mario for providing a suitable translation (rather than
"transliteration") of the French FHM review of Wasp Star... I hope it
didn't appear that I was passing off the Babelfish babble as accurate
by any means, just adding some more XTC content for consideration.
Glad someone on the list speaks enough French to provide a suitable
English translation.

Would there be any way to start a "CD duplication tree" of the Jules
Verne and Golden Guts CDs? In the few messages I've seen bubbling
into this list, it's not clear if those are authorized for
circulation among the "fan club" list or not.

We did a similar thing on the Jazz Butcher list with a couple of live
shows that the band had authorized to be circulated, where the person
with the master would make 5 duplicates, and send them to 5 people
who had promised to provide 5 duplicates to 5 others on the list, and
so on. The fee could either be blank CD media and postage, or a
nominal amount of cash to cover purchasing blank media and postage
($5 or less). So, nobody was burdened with making loads of CDs, and
everyone could share in the music for a reasonable amount of money.

Dr. Relph, please excise the above if it is not suitable for
discussion in this forum.

Cheers,
Gary

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 08:02:32 -0500
From: "Damian Wise (Foulger)" <damian@imclaser.com>
Subject: New topic
Message-ID: <3997A798.23233.1CAFF8@localhost>

I just thought of an interesting topic along the lines of 21st
century desert island discs.  What is the first album (XTC of
course) that you waited to be released?

I'll start.

First XTC album I waited to be released: Nonsuch

Dames tWd

"We did not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we merely borrow it
from our children." -- Native American Saying

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 12:43:34 EDT
From: "Kevin Diamond" <kev_boy@hotmail.com>
Subject: Listening to Wasp Star again, for the first time
Message-ID: <LAW-F54J2I13pL32ctF00002f3b@hotmail.com>

Chalkhillers,

DAVE:

>nobody has mentioned this wonderful track. [all of a sudden] any fans like
>this?

People mention this song all the time. Yes, it's a great track.

Falls into a dream land of a Ben Folds/XTC colaboration thanks to Wayne.

I listened to Wasp Star for the first time in about a month yesterday.
Something very strange happened when I first got it. I think I was so cought
up in the excitement of a new XTC album, that I just couldn't hear it as a
collective piece, as an album, like I can see all their other albums. So I
took some time off, and I most say, It's seeming a lot more cohesive to me
now. In fact, It's one of my top faves now! It seriously kicks!

Kevin Diamond

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 10:10:36 -0700
From: "Hiatt, Randy" <Randy.Hiatt@fsbti.com>
Subject: MP3 Kills!!
Message-ID: <F34536084B78D311AF53009027B0D7EAE3DAB6@FSBEX01>

MP3 continues to claim it's victims.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3618/kid_rock_starves.html

Randy

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 13:16:19 -0400 (EDT)
From: Joe Hartley <jh@brainiac.com>
Subject: Re: ELO, rhymes and Vee
Message-ID: <200008141716.NAA13904@metheny.brainiac.com>

David Seddon asks:
> 7. The bloke who said that the start of Bungalow Bill was a mellotron.  Are
> you sure?  It doesn't sound like one.  One of the the books I have
> (Revolution in the Head) says the Mellotron was played by Chris Thomas and
> aped a trombone and a mandolin.  I always thought that the intro was
> Harrison on acoustic guitar.

Absolutely sure.  King Crimson has used a Mellotron for a loooong time,
and that very same guitar riff occurs in an improvisation recorded at
a live show on their album "Epitaph".  Just before it's played, Fripp
comments that the band will now be performing an interlude on the
Mellotron, and that riff starts it off.

A quick websearch turned up the following links on the subject:
  http://lin3.magical.gr.jp/~banana/beatles/bungalow.html
  http://getback.org/breflib/bungalow.html
  http://www.vemia.co.uk/mellotron/

There's more, but they all substatntiate the fact that this is was
played on a Mellotron.  (The Mellotron site at http://www.mellotron.com
is down as I write this, or I'd have found the reference there as well.)

======================================================================
       Joe Hartley - UNIX/network Consultant - jh@brainiac.com
Without deviation from the norm, "progress" is not possible. - FZappa

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 13:49:28 EDT
From: MFanton00@cs.com
Subject: Re: Squeeze
Message-ID: <b2.955308e.26c98b28@cs.com>

Hey, Misty, Glenn Tilbrook is NO weenie.  He's actually a nice guy.  I've met
him once.  He's actually very sweet, but he's not a weenie. :)

Molly

Molly's Pages: http://www.angelfire.com/mn/mollyfa99/index.html
Please e-mail me at: mfanton99@yahoo.com
eVoice #: 88321880

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 13:53:36 -0400
From: Mark Newberg <mhnewberg@home.com>
Subject: I'm leaving for a while
Message-ID: <3998321F.9F8C8DE6@home.com>

> Fellow Chalksters,

I am moving and so I am leaving the group for a while. As soon as I
buy a modem (I'm leasing now from @Home) and find a new provider
(@Home is not available at my new place) I shall return.

It's been enjoyable being in such grand company. I have been exposed
to new music, new ideas, and sparkling conversation. What free
thinkers you all are!!

XTC stuff: I was perusing the Marillion site and ran across this
news. Mr. Gregory will be joining Mr. Hogarth (the new lead singer of
that band) for a brief tour of Mr. Hogarth's side project.

I'll be back.

A friend,

Mark Newberg

--
'My solution on firearms/abortion issues:
 Handguns should be kept out of the hands of fetuses.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 14:06:19 EDT
From: Hbsherwood@aol.com
Subject: Annnnndaluciiiiiiiaaaaaaa!
Message-ID: <5b.9fcbf73.26c98f1b@aol.com>

>From: "David Seddon" <D.Seddon@btinternet.com>
>Subject: ELO, rhymes and Vee

>7. The bloke who said that the start of Bungalow Bill was a mellotron.
> Are you sure?  It doesn't sound like one.  One of the the books I have
>(Revolution in the Head) says the Mellotron was played by Chris Thomas
>and aped a trombone and a mandolin.  I always thought that the intro was
>Harrison on acoustic guitar.

George was supposed to have studied sitar under Ravi Shankar in 1966. In
reality that was a lookalike actor named William Campbell. The *real* George
went to Malaga to study Flamenco guitar....

There were several bloody clashes over this is rec.music.beatles a few years
ago, and I imagine it probably still raises its head once in a while.

It is a Mellotron being played there. Remember how a Mellotron works: Its
heart is a collection of tape loops. Pressing a key brings a playback head
into contact with a corresponding loop: It's exactly analogous to the modern
sample-playback synthesizer.

The Mellotron Mark II came with loops pre-loaded on it--sort of like the Demo
button on a cheap modern keyboard. That snippet of flamenco guitar,
apparently played by Eric Cook, an Australian session guitarist, was recorded
on one of the loops. (That is to say, you could trigger the whole guitar
phrase just by pressing one key on the Mellotron. No fancy fingerwork
required at all.)

According to the web page at
http://lin3.magical.gr.jp/~banana/beatles/bungalow.html (Sorry I couldn't
find anything more authoritative...!) the same sound was used on King
Crimson's album "Epitaph."

Harrison "Oli!" Sherwood

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 19:29:54 +0100
From: "David Seddon" <D.Seddon@btinternet.com>
Subject: Getting your Liszts mixed up
Message-ID: <000d01c0061d$a5c5dd40$ca41073e@default>

Err sorry, just seen the typo error from my last post:

Should be:
She loves the way Puccini laid down a tune
And Verdi's always creeping from her room.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 13:58:05 -0500
From: "Wiencek, Dan" <Dan_Wiencek@mcgraw-hill.com>
Subject: Thanks for reminding me
Message-ID: <200008141858.LAA26083@sgiblab.sgi.com>

Wes, he ask:

> What was the worst 'date' concert you've ever attended?
>
> Now, not worst concert, not concert where the artist
> disappointed you, but a
> concert you attended primarily to please another and was an evening of
> deeeep hurting.

I once was engaged to marry a woman with ... well, at the time I would've
said "musical taste different from mine." But that would be lying to myself.
Her taste in music sucked. Her mix tapes were lousy (even tapes she made
from MY OWN CDs were lousy) and the one concert we went to at her behest was
... Carrie Newcomer. Now, if there are fans of this earnest, stultifyingly
competent strummer/songstress in this forum, I mean you no harm. For those
of you unfamiliar, imagine Shawn Colvin with a plainer voice, less memorable
songs, and an inability to muster anything resembling intensity or passion
in concert. It was a trying evening, redeemed only by the fact that I
actually remember very little of it. Maybe in another ten years, it will
seem like a horrible dream ...

While we're on the subject of concerts:

First concert: Pink Floyd, 1987
Best concert: Elvis Costello & the Attractions, 1996
Best concert Runner-up: Alejandro Escovedo, 1998
Most disappointing concert: Beth Orton, 1998
"What the hell was I thinking?" concert: Fleetwood Mac, c. 1989
Most inexplicable concert: Brian Wilson, 2000
"Wish I'd been there" concert: Monterey Pop

Anyone else care to chime in? I love concert stories ...

Dan W, back after a minor respite

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 15:31:16 -0400
From: "Todd Bernhardt" <todd.bernhardt@enterworks.com>
Subject: Waiting for Cardinal Ximinez or someone like him
Message-ID: <39984904.DB6D47F4@enterworks.com>
Organization: Enterworks, Inc.

Hi:

Clifford Smith confessed:
> I stole from Andy and Colin!

You BASTARD! Cardinal Fang! Get in here, and bring the RACK!!

> You see, I'm one of the 'honourable' Napster users, who uses it to simply
> get a taste of different bands, and if I like it, I'll buy it. Of course,
> there are people out their who use it for different purposes. I have seen
> the full Wasp Star album on Napster available for download, and THAT is just
> plain stealing because not only is it a full XTC album, but it's a
> Post-Virgin album which means Andy and Colin are actually getting money for
> their sales.

Just to put a finer point on this, stealing XTC material from when they
were with Virgin is now stealing from Andy, Colin, Dave, Terry and Barry
(depending on post-departure legal agreements and whatever other
arrangements I know nothing about). It took them way too long to get
there, but they *are* finally in the black with Virgin -- that is, they
don't owe the label any money, and so the label has to pay XTC royalties
from whatever albums/songs they sell on the band's behalf. Now, we'd all
like those royalties to be higher, I'm sure, and they're obviously
getting a bigger piece of the pie from their efforts now, but keep in
mind that, by stealing albums and songs from their time with Virgin,
you're still depriving them of tasty little slices of Virgin pie
(matron!), which might taste all the more sweet, given the patience and
struggle it took to get them...

> I've stopped getting singles off Napster, but there are heaps of people
> online with XTC demos and live performances. I'm digging in!!
> Anyway, on other news, I bought White Music, English Settlement, and Black
> Sea on vinyl the other day. My sister is ordering Nonsuch from the UK for my
> birthday, and my music shop of choice is ordering Drums and Wires and
> (hopefully) 25 O'Clock. I've got a lot of catching up to do!

Good man! Keep doing your part to feed the boys ... Harvest Festival!

On a somewhat related note, I listened to my newly acquired Fossil Fuel
the other day, and I've got to agree with the others on the list who
praised the improved sound quality. The remastering is quite nice indeed
-- a noticable difference. Perhaps we'll get all the albums properly
remastered someday...

-Todd

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 22:32:30 +0000
From: Jayne Myrone <myrone@tesco.net>
Subject: Skylarking? Bliss
Message-ID: <39987377.C8BB7114@tesco.net>

just a quick one to escape the boxes.

It's been one of those days.
Having just hosed down the walls after the experiment with the armodillo,
the trampolene and 5 pints of motor oil failed spectacularily - I don't
want to talk about it thank you - thought I pose a couple of questions:

Is there somewhere in Chalkhills where I can fine out what instruments
are used?

Secondly, I'd been listening to Fossil Fuel before getting Skylarking,
and the singles on Skylarking (you still with me?) sounded a bit flat
in comparison.  I don't have time at the mo to compare - just wondered
if it was me or the CD.

By the way is the Skylar King is out there?

If you never trawled through the Chalkhills Anonymous I'd recommend it -
Mr Relph is a man of many talents - and you might just be surprized-

Favourite XTC song of the moment:  Reign of Blows -
it's the 'armonica.
--
Jayne the Worrier Queen
Want to know how many boxes have been packed? And just
how many books there are here?
http://www.stas.net/myrone/news.htm

"Nothing is meaningless if one likes to do it"
Gertrude Stein

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 23:02:02 +0000
From: Jayne Myrone <myrone@tesco.net>
Subject: unpacked odds and ends
Message-ID: <39987A5A.C10F6A7B@tesco.net>

Just a quickie

Radiosinmotion said:

Its always strange to me
the people that believe in "pro life" but also believe in the death penalty.

You & PJ O'Rouke.

"David Seddon" said
Am I allowed to use words like pusillanimous on this site?

Why not?  Don't expect me to play you at Scrabble.

Just remembered another misheard lyric.
On The Muttonbirds Rain Steam & Speed
(I packed it - shit can't remember the song title)
There the line about "being a spare brick at a wedding"
Well no it's a "spare prick" but I like my version better.

music for falling asleep to?
Bill Nelson's Sounding the Ritual Echo - various musical doodlings.
Never got to the end yet.

Seth Frisby wrote
     Personally I think XTC's next album should be called "Some Lovely"

I'd vote for that.

WS is still in the player at least once a day.
--
Jayne the Worrier Queen
Want to know how many boxes have been packed? And just
how many books there are here?
http://www.stas.net/myrone/news.htm

"Nothing is meaningless if one likes to do it"
Gertrude Stein

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 15:18:14 -0700
From: "Steve Young" <sjyoung@hotmail.com>
Subject: Popsicle Planted Firmly in Cheek
Message-ID: <OE25GtXsL1c00goZolm0000141b@hotmail.com>

1a. Am I the only one here who has formed no airtight conclusions about this
Napster thing?  I find myself going back and forth on this issue - on the
one hand, it can be used to copy music so that its users won't have to pay
the record company and the artists (like XTC).  It's already happened.
Okay, so "new property laws" aside, it's probably illegal.  On the other
hand, it does help expose the "legal" but morally decrepid laws and
traditions of the record industry.  Help - I don't know!  What should I do?
Anyhow, burning music onto disc has lost its novelty.  Give me ready-made
disc art, give me silver disc bottoms, give me booklets!  Keep me pumping my
money into the machine... (lowering CD prices by about five dollars wouldn't
hurt, either... I'd buy a lot more that way!)

1b. I wish Aimee Mann's new CD hadn't been housed in that cheap paper
sleeve.  My copies is scratched and won't play in my car.

2. No Wasp Star for 1.5 months and counting.  I burned out!  It's "tape loop
brain" syndrome.  It all started when my brother began doing grotesque
parodies of Andy's throaty vocals.  Last week I began playing that little
bit of the "dear god sorry to disturb you but" melody over and over on the
piano.  Suddenly it was three in the morning and I was pounding out large
ragged toaster-sized chords containing only a hint of the original melody.
Not a very effective exorcism! -- today it's back in *full force*.  Anyone
else think Andy's melodies would fare VERY well as keyboard fugues?

3. The best XTC song (Andy) is "I'm Bugged".  I once made the mistake of
playing this (in the car) at full blast and nearly ran myself into a fire
hydrant (at the instrumental bridge).  The best "Colin song" is "I Set
Myself on Fire".  I know, I know; it's all subjective and there's no such
thing as "best or worst", right?  No, no, no... these are the *two
exceptions in the entire universe* -- it's some sort of quantum aberration,
I swear.  These are the two best songs in XTC's catalog.  Cool, huh?  Glad I
could clear that up.

4. The song "Star Park" is haunting my dreams.  It's like something found on
a wax cylinder taken from the wreckage of a UFO: "and some hair conditioner
too, yeah..."  Is that *really* Andy on the rest of the CD singing in that
lounge vibrato?  "Do you really really really really really..."

5a. Non-XTC content (as obligatory as its opposite nowadays): Politics are
very complicated.  Which presidential candidate do you think would enjoy
"Wasp Star"?  I'd say Ralph Nader.  "Here comes president K... oops!  Haha!
XTC content!  Oops!

6. Misogynistic Rap, n'shi*!

7. The song "Everything" makes me cry.

8. Vee Tube: I've not grasped any of your ideas so far, but please, keep
posting!  I look forward to your singular perplexities but in cases of
listings, then passably on my server when I load it!! -- ("as you might
say", ha ha! nudge nudge!)

~~Steve

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 19:09:05 -0400
From: "Brian" <mattone@bhip.infi.net>
Subject: Re: Moby vs. a sack of manure -- answered!
Message-ID: <012c01c00644$a54243a0$4a0affd1@Brian>

BlankTschalkgerz!

> Stephanie Takeshita
> P.S.:  Call me a pitiable old woman, but didn't this cycle of pop hits
> and religiosity used to run the other direction?  I.e., a pop star riding
> the crest of fame on an oceanic wave of pop-culture ubiquity would
> suffer a psychological or spiritual crisis, famously undergo a religious
> conversion, then issue enough utter dreck on vinyl sufficient to squash
> his star-making machinery, and slip into blessed obscurity for a few
> years, only to later convert back and/or offer some cringe-inducing,
> insincere P.R. backtracking....   "Saved"-era Bob Dylan and post-
> catting Cat Stevens, anyone?  Anyone?

I'm with ya.

And the word 'atheist' has such negative overhead...
I prefer 'skeptic'.

-Brian Matthews
cogita tute: "Think for yourself."

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 20:48:27 -0400
From: "squirrelgirl" <squirrelgirl@hitter.net>
Subject: I luv XTC! and other stuff
Message-ID: <001c01c00652$9e8560c0$554bc0cf@meredith-s>

Howdy 'Hillians!

Several things:

1.   To flog that old misheard lyrics thread, I had on Nonsuch last night
for the first time in a few weeks, and as I was singing (or rather, trying
to sing), "That Wave", out popped "I was in heaven/dressed all in
leather".  After that rubber shark incident, I figured that one never knows
what will make Andy happy!

2.  Next, I am on a real kick to expose as many people to XTC as possible,
whether they know it or not.  So, anyway, I need ideas from you wonderful
folk on how to fill a couple of 74 minute CDs:
1st CD - mellow, quiet things that I can play in the waiting room at my
clinic, or during massages (an hour is a lot of quiet to fill when you're
giving a massage to a 300 lb person who last bathed before Lent)
2nd CD - upbeat, poppy songs that I can play in the treatment gym, to
motivate patients to work harder

Must be non-offensive and non-controversial, so that lets out Dear God and
Your Dictionary, among others, right away.  I have some ideas of my own but
would like to get input from others before laying anything down permanently.
Please e-mail your ideas to me off list, and I'll post a list of the final
arrangement, if anyone's interested.

3.  My dad always told me that I have a right to express my opinion and
others have a right to express their own opinions.  If the opinions don't
agree, try to learn something from the other person's point of view.  So, I
must say that I learn a lot from Chalkhills.  Thank you, everyone!

4.  I'm votin' for Nader.  Or else I'll write in Ronald McDonald.  That way,
since we're getting a clown in office anyway, at least we'll get one that
makes people happy.

5.  If you haven't read Todd's interviews at the Chalkhills site, please do.
Right from the horses mouths (so to speak) come the answers to many
questions that have been raised here recently.  Excellent interviews, Todd.

6.  Since some of you have proven your superior knowledge of Awful Songs:
does anybody remember an awful song from 1978ish, sung by a female and
called "Telephone Man"?  Who was that?  Why do I remember it?

SG

NP:  Waxworks/Beeswax

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 20:52:11 EDT
From: KINGSTUNES@aol.com
Subject: All the children sing!
Message-ID: <65.86a5c6a.26c9ee3b@aol.com>

>7. The bloke who said that the start of Bungalow Bill was a mellotron.  Are
>you sure?  It doesn't sound like one.  One of the the books I have
>(Revolution in the Head) says the Mellotron was played by Chris Thomas and
>aped a trombone and a mandolin.  I always thought that the intro was
>Harrison on acoustic guitar.

Yes, it was!  Remember, the Mellotron was basically a big tape player, so
whatever you record could be played, as long as it came in under 9 seconds.
That tape sample of the flamenco player that appeared on Bungalow Bill was
actually on a demonstration recording made in the mid sixties to market the
Mellotron.  My friend has it.  It's a hoot!  It has this really silly
commercial announcer dude extolling each of the features.  At the end there's
this really cheesy lounge combo mambo/jazz piece used to show how it can
sound just like a real band!  What a riot.  What we're used to hearing and
what it came to be used for were the orchestral sounds.  They are
identifiable by the flat, taped sound quality.  They were samples of various
instrument players holding notes for app. 9 seconds (the length of the tape
segments).  Almost no vibrato.  They sounded poor to horrible dry, so the
users from the Moody Blues on had to drench them in reverb, especially the
strings.  Each tape bank had three tracks with three different sounds, and a
tracking knob on the panel would shift the tape heads back and forth to get
each sound.  You could get a blend of two adjacent sounds.  The thing is a
trip!  You should see the mechanisms involved!

Also, sorry to disappoint you, but Harrison did not have the kind of chops to
cut that lick.  That was a flamenco player on the sample.  Although I do
believe that Robbie Krieger played the intro to Spanish Caravan, which is the
opening bars of a Spanish classical piece called Leyenda.  I knew it back in
me college days.  He studied classical guitar, which is mainly why he never
used a pick.

>I wonder if I was the only one to see the humor in Joe's Garage?  Does
>anyone else here laugh their ass off when that album is playing and Frank
>comes in whispering every 5 minutes?

Me!  Me!  I do! Speaking of Uncle Frank, in the
Fine Rhyme department:  well, Zappa is a goldmine, so....

Andy Devine
Had a thong rind
It was sublime
But the wrong kind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind?
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind?

And one lyric that always made me cringe, although I can't remember what it
was rhymed with -

Deep in my heart I abhor ya!
(from Electric Avenue, Eddie Grant)

XTC - Sampler coming on next post!

Tom "this is the central scrutinizer again" K

"I am waiting for wonder to return" - KG

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 19:25:26 -0600
From: "Joseph Easter" <easter2000@earthlink.net>
Subject: year of the cat
Message-ID: <001d01c00657$b237d9e0$a9821c3f@default>

Overheard near a protest blockade near the Democratic Nat'l Convention in
Los Angeles:

Colin Moulding: I hate these bastard pigs! (Oinking noises) Do I smell
bacon?! Take that, piggie!

Joseph Easter: Take it down a thousand, Colin. You'll ruin your voice in all
this smog.

CM: Yeah, yeah. Thanks, mate. Really need to chill if I'm going solo like
you said.

JE: You ain't just whistling Dixie (Colin whistles Dixie). It's time for you
to make your move, pick your fights.

CM: That's right. Colin Moulding stands in the shadow of no man.

JE: Just remember how it was, Colin. Remember all the teasing. Remember when
he said, "What's wrong, Colin? Why are you always pouting on the press
shots?"

CM: That's just the way I look!

JE: I know, I know. I'm just pretending to be Andy.

CM: I HATE Andy!!!

JE: I know, I know, calm down. I'm just pretending, okay. You need to learn
how to channel all that hate into triumph. Focus, focus. Like we learned in
those classes.

CM: (Now in the middle of the sidewalk engaged in the lotus position and
ohming.) Ohmmmm. Ohhhmmm. I told him about why I pout. It's not my fault.

JE: Imagine that your hatred takes the form of two doberman pinchers. They
only listen to you and you hold the leash.

CM: I hold the leash. I am the master of my destiny. Pouting turns on the
chicks.

JE: That's right. And you are a babe magnet. Just cause you're married
doesn't mean you can't still be a stud.

CM: And studs sell records. Is this enough chest hair showing?

JE: Who loves ya', baby?

CM: Where'd you get that lollipop?

JE: Oh, some hippie was passing them out. I think she recognized you.

CM: Really?!

JE: No.

CM: Oh. You know, I was reading the post the other day. Chalkers are turning
into pansies.

JE: I didn't say that. But, I might agree with you.

CM: I don't think they understand the nature of Andy and I's relationship at
all. They seem to think that it's some form of partnership. It's slavery,
you've got to tell them. Set them straight.

JE: I will in my next post.

CM: Hey, you're not recording this are you?

JE: Of course not! Why would I lie?

(Continued next post)

For more bologna: www.bertisevil.com

My vote for awful song that I just love:
(Dead Heat)
Year of the Cat: Sum Yung Guy
Hands to Heaven: Breathe

Ow! Who threw that?

Consider yourself Easterized.

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End of Chalkhills Digest #6-239
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