Precedence: bulk
Subject: Chalkhills Digest #6-102

         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 6, Number 102

                   Saturday, 6 May 2000


                        THE MONKS
            A bunch of apples for all to eat.
                      TVT's website
                        sales rank
                      Re: Lost Bands
                  The Godfathers Of Punk
       Thrash Metal, Gen X, Lost Bands and the rest
                Re: From beginning to end
                   Confused, confusion
                        Re: Bands
               More apples for everyone...
                    my great lost band
                    Replies, replies!
            Re: He's Not Heavy , He's My Metal
                  Sombody please wake me


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Package, carton, package and carton, sell and package and carton.


Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 19:17:37 EDT
Subject: enon-such?
Message-ID: <>

folks,   2 1/2  weeks to go.     A cd review caoght my eye in the local
paper. Enon, who i have never heard of...  put out a cd called " Believo".
well, I don't want to type the whole thing out, so this part will do

  ---- ""Warmly optimistic and reminiscent of prime XTC and Dukes of the
Stratosphere, "World in a Jar" and "For the Sum of It" bring the disc to a
sunny hilltop""

 no, i'm not going to buy it, but I wonder if any of you have, and if that
sentence is accurate , in your opinion?   Or what exactly "prime XTC "
means... I thought it was all prime????   eddie


Date: Fri, 05 May 2000 15:16:56 PDT
From: "Edward Sizzorhends" <>
Subject: THE MONKS
Message-ID: <>

Lost Band Info

Dear Chalkhillians,

Last year some friend of mine played me an album from a band and when I
heard it, I felt like I struck gold.

They were THE MONKS.

"The Monks were American servicemen stationed in Germany sometime in the
late `60s, who formed a band, shaved their heads tonsorially to resemble
their namesake, and released BLACK MONK TIME to a bewildered German
audience. Of course, it didn't do much at the time, but somehow, in the way
that things always seem to work so weirdly in this world, it went on to
become a seminal, vastly influential record amongst underground,
"alternative" and forward-thinking people."

This band is raw and real and righteous and ALL them 'R' words.

And it is's fun too!

Really, you should order it from CDNOW and try it yourself.

Higgle-dy Piggle-dy,
The Skylar King


Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 23:18:26 +0100
From: "chris browning" <>
Subject: marbellous...
Message-ID: <003101bfb6e0$87c7a1c0$2f58883e@pbncomputer>

just to say - young marble giants. mmm. yes. agree very much about taht one.
a thing of great beauty...

my own favourite lost band - well, they're not really lost being big heroes
in new zealand but over here, i can be damned if anyone ever talks about
them. The Clean, oh yes. "point that thing somewhere else" and "tally ho!"
are the most exhilirating slabs of noise this side of - well - "white music"
i guess. and "unknown country" is an album that never stops showing new
things of beauty to me....

aye aye...



Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 15:12:17 -0700
From: "Digitalmaster" <>
Subject: A bunch of apples for all to eat.
Message-ID: <000c01bfb6de$fa1a8460$0200a8c0@digitalpc>

First" on the Napster Thing that Partridge said to the guy from Spin: "Oh
yea yea yea I've heard all this. Well I think that's kind of low. Musicians
are trying to pay the rent by selling their record and they get crappy
enough deals as it is. So don't steal the last pennies from them or else no
one will make music anymore."

Strait from the mans mouth, but I am sure a bunch of people will still feel
its fine.  As I said in an early message, I am 99% behind MP3's and trading
for us responsible folk.  HOWEVER, most people are not responsible and if
they can, they will copy and never buy.  Free is the magic word.

Second, I heard Wasp Star and I don't care what people say, its a classic.
Someone on the last post said it did not have a concept, but do albums all
need to have concepts?  I think its perfect the way it is.  Its like XTC of
the past meets XTC of the future or something.  I already purchased 5 copies
from different online retailers thanks to about $50 in savings with coupons
(don't ask me, they have all expired by now, I will let you all know when
there are some good ones soon).  I plan on getting my copy locally as well
so I can avoid the wait (maybe they will even hit billboard!)

Damn this metal debate thing keeps going.  At least were talking about
something to waist the time while we wait for the new album, even if it is
something as wretched as Heavy Metal (hey, my opinion is my opinion thank
you!  Remember, Devo "Pioneers who got Scalped" comes out on the 9th.  Its a
GREAT double CD. Don't forget to buy it!  You can get $10 off $30 or more at
Barnes and Noble by typing ZZB24DK or Z377DK4 expiration: 5/12.  You can get
Devo and XTC with that coupon!


Date: Fri, 05 May 2000 20:36:04 EDT
From: "Garret Harkawik" <>
Subject: TVT's website
Message-ID: <>

Is it just me, or does TVT's website suck?  it's so annoyng because every
time you go to it, you have to go through the stupid thing with the truck
pulling away from the gas station and then that tiny window pops up that is
the acual site!  Its just a stupid concept.


Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 19:29:13 -0700
From: "Wes Hanks" <>
Subject: sales rank
Message-ID: <000001bfb702$e6e750c0$15b59fce@default>

Amazon lists WS at Sales Rank: 210, and
Popular in: New Zealand (#12)




Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 20:41:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Bill Douglas <>
Subject: Re: Lost Bands
Message-ID: <>

A couple of great 'lost' bands that I've had the great
pleasure to hear, see and share the stage with are
Toronto's Universal Honey and Minneapolis' Willie

Universal Honey released two great albums ('Magic
Basement,' 'Earth Sun Moon')in the late '90's that are
worth seeking out, if you're into catchy pop.  Leslie
Stanwyck, the singer/rhythm guitarist/songwriter
(formerly a backup singer with The Pursuit Of
Happiness), was a perfect amalgamation of Chrissie
Hynde's vocal prowess and Keith Richard's swagger. My
personal favorite here is 'Magic Basement.'  Simply
outstanding.  These guys did a lot of touring in the
States, opening up for The Goo Goo Dolls before their
meteoric rise to fame and glory.  A while back, Leslie
and Johnny Sinclair, the bassist/songwriter (also
formerly with T.P.O.H.) got married and the band
disappeared.  Where are they now?

Another great artist (that, coincidentally, Johnny
Sinclair turned me onto before a U.H. show) is Willie
Wisely.  He released two great albums on October
Records - 'Turbosherbet' and 'She,' in which one of
the tracks, 'Ready To Wear,' has a brief sample of
XTC's 'Down In The Cockpit-Dance Mix.'  I about
dropped in my shorts when I heard it.  Anyway,
phenomenal artist, brilliant live show.  It's pop,
it's cabaret, it's a lot of things swirled up in a
musical stew.  Haven't heard a peep out of him lately,

I submit these artists to Chalkhillians around the
world to check out.  Both these acts were huge XTC
fans, so I guarantee you won't be disappointed by
giving them a listen.

And, while you're at it, look for my band, Einstein's
Sister.  Our last album 'Learning Curves' is available
thru and (the Web site
for Not Lame Records), we have a track on 'Full
Circle,' a 2-CD tribute to Byrds founder Gene Clark,
and a new album due in the fall.  For more
information, check out our Web site in the next couple
of weeks at  In addition to
all that, we will be appearing at The Troubadour
during this year's International Pop Overthrow in Los
Angeles on Sunday, July 23rd.  For more information on
this awesome 2-week pop music marathon, check out or do a search on for

Thank you and good night.


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 11:41:18 +0900
From: "John Boudreau" <>
Subject: The Godfathers Of Punk
Message-ID: <000b01bfb708$a16d9d00$6d5791d2@johnboud>

Whenever the discussion of  'where did punk rock come from,' takes place ,
very rarely do you hear anything about jazz. Some poor souls are under the
misconception that "jazz" only means Kenny G or Wynton Marsalis , forgetting
such pioneers as Ornette Coleman, John Coltrane, Sun Ra and Albert Ayler,
all of whom are the real grand-daddies of punk. methinks .
To see the connection, all you have to do is go back to the original
performers who influenced punk. :  the Stooges, the MC5 , The Velvet
Underground and Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band. One thing all of these
groups had in common  was the raw grit and noise on their records  ,
something that had been sort of lacking in rock for a while. One other
important common point is that they were all big jazz fans, using their
guitars to imiate their favorite players or actually using horns themselves.

Take the MC5. Ray Charles and Screamin' Jay Hawkins were part of their sets
but so was Pharoah Sanders and Sun Ra- this is most obvious on their album "
Kick Out The Jams " . Unfortunately , their studio albums were scrubbed up
by  producers so the jazz influence wasn't always obvious .

Then there's The Stooges. Iggy was lecturing at a college  a few years ago ,
talking about the Stooges. He played a Stooges record then he played a some
Coltrane . The whole point was to show what the band was trying to do,
successfully or not. Most of all, you heard this with Steve Mackay's sax
wailing on Funhouse, especially on the free-form "L.A. Blues."

Lou Reed has said that when he started out , he was inspired by people like
Ornette Coleman.  Lou said that "European Son" was his way of trying to
imitate Ornette Coleman with guitars .  Later on, Lou would follow this
influence by using the late Don Cherry (a Coleman sideman and a great player
himself) as part of his stage band in the late '70s and recording The Bells
with him.

Most of all, there's Captain Beefheart. His playing on Trout Mask Replica is
a tribute to Coleman and Ayler, even more so than the Stooges, Velvets or
MC5. Delta blues were also important to him and this became to dominate his
music more and more in the seventies.

It's interesting to think about the other performers from the late sixties
who were jazz buffs. Jimi Hendrix and Jerry Garcia not only played a kind of
jazz in their long solos but they would also perform with jazz musicians
(Jimi with Larry Young and Garcia with Ornette years later). Most guitarists
from that time (Page, Beck, Clapton, Richards, Townshend) were most into
blues and R&B.

At this same time, jazz itself was going through an interesting development.
The Filmore in California was hosting the psychedelic bands as well as Miles
Davis, Cannonball Adderley and Roland Kirk. This was important because it
helped to open jazz up to young, white audience. In the case of Davis, it
also may have changed his attitudes about music. The idiotic rumor that he
was pressured into fusion by his record company doesn't hold up- Miles had
the idea himself to use electric instruments.

Years later, when punk started , some of the players were also jazz fans,
especially in the New York scene. Tom Verlaine and Richard Lloyd of
Television certainly had Coltrane and Ayler in mind when they took off on
their solos. Voidoids guitarist Robert Quine sounded like this was where his
head was at also. In all, they had the same thing in mind as Lou Reed when
he was trying to get his guitar to imitate the jazz he loved.

By in large though, this kind of jazz influence was not directly seen in
most punk rock. Other than Lora Logic  and James Chance (who had played with
Ornette guitarist Bernie Nix), you didn't even see any saxophones. Most punk
bands went for noise  but not much "improvisation" or musicianship . They
listened to a dirtier version of the blues and R&B that most of the sixties
guitarists were into:  garage bands. And of course, there was also the MC5,
Stooges, Velvets, Beefheart...

Today, several grunge and alternative bands follow the same path. The list
of jazz-influenced bands ranges from the few obvious to many not-so-obvious.
Sonic Youth did a show with Sun Ra shortly before he died and the Minutemen
did a show with Ornette bassist Charlie Haden.

So what is the real, direct link between the free jazz of '50s and '60s and
punk rock? One big difference is that in free jazz there were talented,
accomplished musicians playing complex music. With punk, you had  amateurs
who played simple music. They did and still do have a lot in common though.
Both were  hated by many critics, writers and the old guard of their
respective types of music. They also each re-wrote the the whole goddamn
book on their own music, challenged many preconceptions and opened many eyes
.  Maybe most importantly, they each spawned a sub-culture of musicians,
bands, clubs, scenes, record labels and all kinds of collectives to help
nuture their own music.



Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 14:33:54 +0100 (BST)
From: Rory Wilsher <>
Subject: Thrash Metal, Gen X, Lost Bands and the rest
Message-ID: <>

Anyone else have a problem with 6-99? I only got
subject titles and no content  Yahoo's (or Relph's)
response to the current virus?

So, if I'm answering stuff that's already been
covered, forgive me (I know us Chalkhillers can be an
unforgiving bunchI include myself in that description
before you start flaming!)

In order, from 6-100

Ed Kedzierski wrote:

"every possible combination of the words "speed"
"thrash" "hard" "metal" "punk" and "-core" to
overdefine subgenres to the point that you might  as
all just name every band you're talking about just to
make it shorter. May be that such overextended
compound terms may be more prevalent in North America,
hence Dom's insistence on sticking to the traditional
punk and
hardcore labels"

No, it's not just North America. My friend Pete plays
in what he fondly describes as a  "thrash metal" band.
I've seen them. They're crap (IMHO). But he's a nice
guy anyway.

Also, "Gen X": anyone remember the "punk" "new wave"
"another silly label" band from the late seventies
actually called "Generation X"?  I can recall only two
song titles: "the day the world turned dayglo" and
"germ-free adolescents". Whatever happened toyadda
yadda yadda drone drone drone

Jim Smart wrote:

"It's not one of my criteria for a song that it be
"timeless" or never sound stuck in a certain
period. I care more about if it's good or not, or if
it peases (sic) me. Colin's song is an effective
comment on the way everyone in a country begins to
move ("dance") and change and choose sides when
there's war a-brewing."

Couldn't agree more. Despite the fact that we all
"know" why this song was written (Song Stories), it's
still an OK "anti-war" song. Costello's "Shipbuilding"
is better. If you really want to get into this, read
"A Song Of Stone" by Iain Banks. If you don't, then

Re: Lost Bands

Oh, but there are so MANY

But, relevant to (UK) hillsters, I will name but two:
The Vapors (yes, that's how they spelt it), and 999.

Andoz hillsters are welcome to flame away at this,
but why aren't Midnight Oil and The Whitlams making it
in the UK?

(aside: remember doing Venn diagrams at school? I bet
that if you did a Venn diagram of Powderworkers,
Chalkhillians, and FOWs, there'd be a significant
correlationthus speaks a statistician. Anyone who
knows what the hell I'm talking about contact me

Ben  Gott wrote:

"It's like English intelligence-it's an oxymoron!"
OK, he was quoting Andy. So I'm not having a go, all
right? Probably Andy in "Mayor of  simpleton" mode.
This joke is more usually applied to "British
Intelligence", as in MI5/MI6, or "Army Intelligence".

And finallyA great big "HELLO!" to Beverley! We love

Rory "Bread! For my bread gun!" Wilsher


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 14:54:16 +0100 (BST)
From: Rory Wilsher <>
Subject: Coincidence?
Message-ID: <>

Or am I God? OK, probably coincidence. I sent a
(fairly snotty) message to HMV a couple of weeks ago
along the lines of "why is there no information about
the forthcoming release from British supergroup
(slight exaggeration) XTC on your site?"

Lo and behold, XTC are now their Artist of the month.

Rory "Is that way too much sodium?" Wilsher


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 10:29:56 EDT
Subject: Re: From beginning to end
Message-ID: <>

In a message dated 5/5/00 1:55:22 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
<> writes:

> So tell me, Chalkhills people, what albums do you listen to in their
>  entirety?
So you want a list then, eh:

The Jam- Setting Sons
The Who -Who's Next
The Who -Quadrophenia
The Police -Reggatta de Blanc
Paul McCartney -Band on the Run
Beach Boys - Pet Sounds
Beatles - Revolver
Elvis Costello - Imperial Bedroom
The Jam - All Mod Cons
Merrymakers - Bubblegun
McCartney - Ram
Posies - Dear23
The Who - Sell Out

Phil C.


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 14:43:31 +0100 (BST)
From: Rory Wilsher <>
Subject: Confused, confusion
Message-ID: <>

D'oh! It wasn't Generation X, was it? It was X-Ray

Generation X were, of course, Billy Idol's band.

I hang my head in shame.

Rory "Follow Him. He speaks in sentences" Wilsher


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 09:58:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tyler Hewitt <>
Subject: Re: Bands
Message-ID: <>

I always knew that the Poison Girls were unlikely to
break into the stadium circuit, particularly as
stablemates of Crass, but would recommend their album
Where's the Pleasure?  a huge Brechtian slab of
protest and complaint, and quite stunning.

There's a 4-cd (small) box set of the entire works of
the Poison Girls. I found it while browsing an import
catalog when I worked in a record store a few years
ago. Pretty good stuff, and cheap-about $35.00 U.S.
for a 4-cd import. Don't know if it's still in print,
but worth hunting for. Listening to a band move from
abrasive punk to well crafted pop over four cd's is
actually quite enjoyable.

Would Young Marble Giants count as a lost band?
Probably the most influential band that no one's ever
heard of. Made minimalist, quiet, melodic music at a
time (1980) when everybody else was being loud.
Yeah, that counts. Found their cd in a cutout bin a
few years ago, and it's really good! Well worth the
four bucks I spent on it.

Cheryl asks about records I have to play in their
entirety. I can think of four off the top of my head:

Joni Mitchell-Hejira
The Who Sell Out
Joe Jackson-Heaven & Hell

Of course this dosen't include Classical, which I
always listen to in complete works (no individual


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 10:28:37 -0700
From: "Radiosinmotion" <>
Subject: More apples for everyone...
Message-ID: <002401bfb780$b3d76d40$0200a8c0@digitalpc>

After hearing Wasp Star a few times, I have to say this.  WAIT!  Now that I
have it, I can't avoid hearing it and I would have rather waited.  Not like
its that big of a deal, but it would have been nice to hear it when it came
out.  Its hard to say, but I am willing to bet this will beat "AV1" and
possibly even "Strictly Commercial" as being one of my most listened to
albums I now listen to on a regular basis.

I LOVE Collins song too.  I love the album from beginning to end.  Its
classic XTC.  A few tracks come to mind to comment on are Church of Woman,
which Andy is doing that old voice thing he did on Complicated game.  You
know "Compli cayehay, cayehated..." I cant explain it, BUT I LOVE IT!  This
album is a masterpiece.  To me its truly Black Sea meets the future of XTC.

I really think this album will get our boys some mainstream success.
Regardless, they will be one of our favorite artists, but I still feel we
should do what we can to make it blow up.  I still will request songs on the
radio and hopefully the happy pop-filled tunes will put people in a trance
and they will start requesting XTC rather than Stone Temple Pilots or
whatever else the youngins are listening too...

Were All Light... God damn this is a fucking brilliant song.


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 10:22:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tyler Hewitt <>
Subject: my great lost band
Message-ID: <>

as promised, here's my great lost band:
Fngerprintz. An early-80's band, they put out three
albums, all to ctitical acclaim and public
indifference, then broke up. All three albums are
really good, and all sound very different from each
the first, The Very Dab, is kind of dark pop/post-punk
with science fiction/film noir lyrics.
the second, Distinguishing Marks, is power pop. It was
produced by Nick Garvey of the Motors (remember them?)
and is actually slicker than anything I've heard of
the Motors. Very poppy, very bouncey, but with dark,
paranoid lyrics and vague kinky connotations.
the third, Beat Noir, is kind of funk/dance/pop/new
wave. Heavy basslines, danceable, more of those
paranoid/film noir lyrics. This one's my favorite of
their records.

Then they broke up. The main songwriter went on to
form the Silencers, but comparing The Silencers to
Fingerptintz is like camparing Wings to the Beatles.
Where Fingerprintz were always entertaining and kept
you guessing, The Silencers were just boring.

Far as I know, None of the Fingerprintz records have
ever been released on cd (If you know otherwise,
please e-mail me). They turn up occasionally on, or check your favorite used record
store. I reccomend all three albums.



Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 13:44:38 EDT
Subject: Replies, replies!
Message-ID: <>

My God, what have I done!   Well, anyway it looks like Dom and I stirred up
some dust to choke on.  I'm actully sorry that I've gotten so nitpicky about
genres, but I just wanted to see a little common sense prevail.  Anyway, some
respnoses (NOT IN CAPS!) to 6-100:

>From Ed K :
>>I think you misinterpreted a few
flip comments as real ignorance about the bands history.
"Read Songs Stories, people!!"
I think that most of us have done so, as well as the scores of articles on
Chalkhills, the Twomey book, etc. You might want to re-read the posts that
inspired your little lecture and check for salt grains.<<

You're quite right.  It just appeared to me that a lot of Chakhillers were of
a younger sort, not around when they first hit.  I was, so I was trying to
give a first hand perspective.  Not everyone is clear on the difference
between punk and new wave, and it was a signifigant difference.  To
understand that difference is to understand XTC.  But I give you all credit!
As I've said before, on the whole, this is a great opinion forum.  I'm just
trying to help.  Didn't mean to preach to the choir!

>> I never thought of the hair bands (poodle bands, whatever) as power
pop, just as "shitty rocker bands". Metal I always related to as more of a
tendency (as in "they're sounding pretty metallic in "Rain of Blows") with
the bands considered as "genre heavy metal" just occupying the heavier end
of the spectrum for the majority of their material (as opposed to making use
of it from time to time, which tons of bands have been known to do).<<

I'm sorry, I've misused a term here.  Sometimes my synapses.....Anyway, I
couldn't have said this better myself.  Thank you!  My choice for the most
metallic XTC recording - "Complicated Game".

>>(though Tom may actually just have meant hardcore...)<<  I did.  Oops.

>>As a lifelong Kinks freak, I'd have to be a liar or a fool to deny "You
Really Got Me"s status as seminal precurser to what eventually became metal.
It's a part of

I couldn't agree more.  I also see it as a prototypical punk tune, as well.
There are a lot of recordings that foreshadowed metal, but were well before
the purism that I feel begins with Black Sabbath.

>>(Speaking of "You Really Got Me", that's what the "Stupidly Happy" riff
really reminds me of, more than anything by Keith Richard, but that could
just be due to the way it's so insistently repeated...)<<

I understand what you're getting at.  But as a guitarist, I can tell you that
techinically it resembles Keith's style of open chording, rather than the 2
fingered power cords used in "You Really Got Me".  I think  that's what Andy

>>Just wondering, but exactly which "Gen X" are you referring to? There are
two: there's the original, which a lot of people have re-tagged "tail end of
baby boom" (born approximately between '56 and '66) and then there's false
or "demographer's" Gen X (something like 68 to late 70's<<

I'm a tail - ender (as opposed to a back door man?  genres, genres!  They'll
drive you nuts!)  I was born in '56.  The real McCoy, as they say.  My first
rock concert was the 1971 Monterey Pop Fest, with Linda Ronstadt, Melvin
Laird & the Fish (that's without Country Joe), John Phillips, with the Beach
Boys headlining.  My parents took me.  Imagine how THAT felt!  Chaparoned in
Freakdom!  You should have seen the look on my father's face when some hairy
fellow offered him a joint!

Thank you, Ed, for coming  to the rescue!  I enjoyed your posting thoroughly!

And as for WesLONG's entry - I want you to know I was on the floor in howling
tears of laughter!   Feel free to lampoon me anytime!  I obviously needed it.
 That was hysterical!

There you go!

Tom "averting my eyes, o lord" Kingston


Date: Sat, 6 May 2000 14:25:48 -0400 (EDT)
From: Joe Hartley <>
Subject: Re: He's Not Heavy , He's My Metal
Message-ID: <>

sushiman wrote:
> Bill certainly made his mark ...

Don't forget "Sharkey's Night" by Laurie Anderson, on which WSB does
vocals, and Frank Zappa's reading of "The Asshole That learned to Talk,"
a bit told by Dr Benway in "Naked Lunch."  Off to the Interzone...

       Joe Hartley - UNIX/network Consultant -
Without deviation from the norm, "progress" is not possible. - FZappa


Date: Sat, 06 May 2000 13:47:09 -0500
From: chris vreeland <>
Subject: Sombody please wake me
Message-ID: <>

For three nights running now, I've had the most unusual and
disturbing dream where I'm a nineteenth century French painter with
a palette and paintbrush and beret and an ill fitting black suit and
I'm painting perfectly rectangular white lines on an endless
snaking desert highway and people are yelling at me:
     "You missed a spot."
                                          -The Late, Great Kevin Gilbert.

I haven't posted in a long time, but that doesn't mean I haven't been
following the bouncing ball, and to all the most recent threads I must now

Napster, Napster, bo Bapster, Banana fanna fo Fapster....Well, you get the

    Okay, my dream was a little different from Kevin's, but it's proof
that I've finally been on Chalkhills LONG ENOUGH! Yes, I finally had a
damn dream about XtC.

    I'd say it really falls under the heading of fantasy, because it
revolved around a live performance. Andy had finally gotten totally over
his stage fright, and the band was doing a small club tour. Of course to
add to the ridiculousness of the fantasy, I was friends with the band, and
was hanging out with them before the show. It was a small room, maybe 100
people present, max.  They were touring as a three piece, just Andy, Colin
and Terry Chambers (!) on drums. No Dave. All three were very smartly
dressed in matching crimson Nehru jackets with black trim.

    Terry was downing a couple of pints before they played, and was
getting pretty loose. We were sitting at a table in the club, and across
the way at the bar, an attractive Japanese woman caught Terry's eye. She
was obviously quite smitten with Mr. Chambers. I Want to F**k You Like an
Animal by Nine Inch Nails was playing on the house system, and Terry's
temptress was staring at him while mouthing the lyrics, and caressing
herself suggestively. This was obviously exciting him greatly, and I
encouraged him to make good on what appeared to be a prime opportunity,
since they still had a while to go before they were due to play. (As a
bass player, I must interject at this point; "Why does that only happen to
drummers?") The two o'clock courage was beginning to kick in, so he
agreed.He made his way to the bar, engaged her in conversation, and before
I knew it, they were out the door.

    Well, starting time comes and goes without Terry. I'm of course
aghast, because this is now my fault for encouraging him, and Andy and
Colin are both visibly miffed with me for not exercising better judgment,
and want to know what, exactly, I'm going to do about finding them a
drummer. I cast about the room, and spot Jeff, the drummer from my old
band, who's quite a basher, and would make an obvious choice to fill in,
but he steadfastly refuses, saying he doesn't know any of their songs.

    Now things are getting desperate. They're appreciably late, and the
crowd is starting to thin a bit. I offer at this point to try drumming
myself, with the premise that although I'm not that great of a drummer, I
do know how to play alot of Terry's parts. Andy kind of rolls his eyes,
but doesn't stop me from sitting down at the kit. I sit down on the
throne, and am instantly appalled at the terrible condition of the drum
set. The high hat stand it duct-taped to the snare drum, as it has no
legs, and the whole kit is in danger of immediate collapse. At this point,
I recall thinking how incredible it really was that Hugh Padgam was able
to get that sound out of this rinky-dink kit. I look around for the
sticks, but the only thing available to play with are two red ball-point
pens. My heart is steadily sinking, but still, I make a weak attempt at
the beat to Rocket in a Bottle, which I really can play, but it's just not
working. Andy just looks at me and silently shakes his head. In despair, I
look about the room, and now, everyone has left, and it's ALL MY FAULT!

Enter the alarm clock.

Any therapists out there willing to to take a stab at this?

Chris "Tell me about your mother" Vreeland


End of Chalkhills Digest #6-102

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