Precedence: bulk
Subject: Chalkhills Digest #5-316

         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 5, Number 316

                 Sunday, 21 November 1999

Today's Topics:

                  Snapple Penis Volume 2
                 Duffy vs The Lilac Time
                      Vic and Collin
                 a bit of this and that..
                  From Here to Eternity
                        Re: Demos
               Re: the big express - again
                  You cannot be serious
                  Song of the Millennium
                   Thanks for Christmas
                       The Stuffing
                      Charlie Buck.
               Re: Sleeping Through Swindon
               Re: tongue in cheek by jowl
                     Rasberry Cremes
                         Eh wot?
                To turk or not to turk ...


    To UNSUBSCRIBE from the Chalkhills mailing list, send a message to
    <> with the following command:


    For all other administrative issues, send a message to:


    Please remember to send your Chalkhills postings to:


    World Wide Web: <>

    The views expressed herein are those of the individual authors.

    Chalkhills is compiled with Digest 3.7 (John Relph <>).

I hide behind screen of aggression nowadays.


Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 17:29:46 -0500 (EST)
From: Tom Getter Slack <>
Subject: Snapple Penis Volume 2
Message-ID: <>


Important Announcement: Several prominent Chalkposters have agreed to
apply thier numerous and sundry talents to the next pinnacle of Chalkhills
musical acheivements: Snapple Penis Volume 2, a Bizzaro World counterpart
to our heroes' up and coming Apple Venus Volume 2. Listed below are the
tracks and contributors, juxtaposed with their real world counterparts:

Stupidly Happy		XTC
Brilliantly Psychotic	Harrison Sherwood

Playground		XTC
Hopscotch Sucks		Duncan Kimball

You And The Clouds	XTC
u + da clowdz		David Oh

Wounded Horse		XTC
Winky Fish		Vee Tube

Wheel And The Maypole	XTC
Meal And The Arsehole	Brian "eatingfutureshittingpast" Mattone

We're All Light		XTC
You're All C*nts	Dom Lawson

In Another Life		XTC
In Another Hemisphere	The Oz Contingent

Standing In For Joe	XTC
Andy's On My Phone	Mitch Freidman

Boarded Up		XTC
Bored Enough		Tyler Hewitt

My Brown Guitar		XTC
My 526 Brown Guitars	Tod Bernhardt

Church of Women 	XTC
Church of Dave		Amanda Owens

I'm The Man Who 	XTC
Murdered Love

I'm The Man Who		John Relph
Killed This Thread

And just in case Andy's arm gets twisted:

I Don't Want To Be Here		XTC

I Want To Be Here But Nobody 	Charlie Buck
Else Wants Me Here

Disclaimer: In accordance with Chalkhills Act #5-305 "Thou Shalt Not
Intentionally Yank Anyone's Chain", we are required to present the
following tongue-in-cheek icon: \<o/



From: "Damian Wise (Foulger)" <>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 16:14:09 -0600
Subject: Duffy vs The Lilac Time
Message-Id: <>

Sebastien Maury wrote:

> Duffy: can anyone explain why I like his solo stuff, his co-written stuff
> (eg Stunt by BNL) but Lilac Time's 3 albums do very close to sweet FA for
> me?? It's a true quandary which I'd like to remedy. Maybe I disfigured a
> folk singer in a former existence or something.

This is an interesting question.  However, there are five LT CD's
all of which ARE fairly different from Duffy's solo career.  It
probably is the folk element.  In fact, The Lilca Time got their
name from Nick Drake, Britains finest folk singer.  His stuff
wrenches the heart muscles! What I want to know is, is there a
Chalkhills of The Lilac Time, say 'Paradise Circus' and does
Stephen Duffy has an obsession with USA in space, as more
than none of his songs feature actual recorded radio
transmissions from some missions.  Bizarre... but damn good.

Dames tWd

'Real' is an adjective and 'Really' is an adverb.


Message-ID: <>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 16:36:17 +0000
Subject: Vic and Collin

Victor Hobbs and Collin Moulding at the G.L.R. (Grater London Radio)
station on October 14th 1998.
"ho what a big fan I am, hugs all round !!"

	[ see ]


Message-ID: <>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 19:52:51 EST
Subject: a bit of this and that..

 Victor, WHAT are you doing to Colin & is he enjoying it?
    I recently heard Primus's version of  "Nigel". Not very impressed. It
should of been on "Testicular Dinner". Its that good (bad ? )
 I finally got a copy of Homespun. Its nothing spectacular , but  a nice
addition to my collection. Although I quite like "ROO". Andys "mmmm"'s are
much shorter . It sounds pretty cool.
 Thus ends tonights broadcast.   Roger
p.s. Buy Home Depot stock.


Message-ID: <000101bf3301$a8caa560$3db59fce@default>
From: "Wes Hanks" <>
Subject: From Here to Eternity
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 18:47:57 -0800

I have just finished listening to "From Here to Eternity" the new live
collection from The Clash. Oh f*ck, my feeble words cannot due justice to
what I experienced listening to this increadible disc.
What formed your musical taste...
While everyone else in school (1980) was listening to Pink Floyd's "The
Wall", listened non-stop to "London Calling".
There was no f*cking "alternative" radio - listening to records by word of
Music played with sincerity of belief and balls-on passion.

Now my heart is full,


Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 21:01:40 -0800 (PST)
Message-Id: <>
From: John Relph <>
Subject: Re: Demos

Thus spake Satanas Diablo <>:
>  I would have liked
>some help with Demos, but no one seems interested in helping so I will say
>this one more time.  I need rare tracks.

Well, I'd like to help, but I don't have a CD-R burner.  In fact, I
don't even own a PC.  I'm working on a borrowed computer, as always.
I don't even have two cassette decks to make tape copies.  I suck.

	-- John


Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 21:08:30 -0800 (PST)
Message-Id: <>
From: John Relph <>
Subject: Re: the big express - again

David Oh <> punched in:
>greetings kiddie-winkies,

and terrible tiny tots.

>i still haven't got a definitive answer on why my copy of 'the big express'
>is the way it is.

And I don't think you will!

>again, this is what happens: it has the bonus tracks listed on the back, in
>the lyric booklet and on the disc itself, but as the disc plays, it goes
>from 'this world over' straight to 'the everyday story of smalltown', while
>the cd display shows track number 5 then 6 for the above songs and shows up
>to track 11, not 14 as  indicated by the artwork.

So it's basically the original LP, no bonus tracks.  Even though the
artwork lists the bonus tracks in the expected places.

>although i thank the people who have responded to my question privately, no
>one has explained to me if this is common or if it is a rarity. does anyone
>else have this disc with this artwork/tracklisting?

I would like to know the answer to that question as well.  Obviously,
the CD exists.  But is it common?  It had not been reported to me
prior to David's report.

>virgin label, manufactured in the u.k., catalog # cdv 2325. it also has a
>bar-code sticker on the back with the following numbers: 77778 66892.


	-- John


Message-ID: <000801bf333a$8100db60$0617063e@default>
From: "David Seddon" <>
Subject: You cannot be serious
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 19:05:48 -0000

John in Sushiland wrote:

In his post about a recent trip to England , Herne wrote :

>Finally...Swindon.  To be honest...I slept through it.

Now , how can any self-respecting XTC fan go all the to England , and
actually pass through Swindon without stopping for a look ' round ? I ask
you :

Probably because Swindon is only marginally more interesting than Milton
Keynes.  Still you might catch a glance at Melinda Messinger!  Make that
two glances.


Message-ID: <000901bf333a$83326160$0617063e@default>
From: "David Seddon" <>
Subject: Song of the Millennium
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 19:14:43 -0000

What an amazing list we have being put forward in the media about this:

Come on you voters...get real !
Me, I'm going for Lily the Pink (second choice, Rawhide).
After all she was "the saviour of the human race" and the Millennium is
supposed to be about the birth of a saviour, so there you go!!!!!
(plus, it was probably the first single that I ever bought).

I'd love to see the Queen bringing in the next Millennium with that playing
in the background!


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 17:49:43 +0800
From: Jonathan Dutton <>
Subject: Thanks for Christmas

Martin wrote:

> Hi everyone,
> Buying a couple of T-shirts in The Gap in Cheapside in London
> yesterday, over the music system they started playing 'Thanks for
> Christmas'....Oh well it makes a change from Jona Lewie and 'Stop the
> Cavalry'....

I just heard it playing in a chocolate shop in a major shopping centre.
I was tempted to round people up, drag them into the store, and say
"Here, listen to this!".  Pity they weren't playing "The Last


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 06:48:24 EST
Subject: The Stuffing

The Stuffing

All around the table
Everybody who is able
Wants my stuffing

The lowly and the great
Even those who already ate
Eat my stuffing

That bird that we ate most of (that bird)
Now lies there, its skeleton stepped out
Everybody still wants more of (that stuff)
The stuff that I call my stuffing now

The stuffing's coming!
(Straight to ya!)
The stuffing's
Better than the mashed potatoes

The stuffing's coming!
You'll eat so much,
Your pants will split in several places

The stuffing's coming!
(Straight to ya!)
The stuffing's
Better than the can-shaped berries

The stuffing's coming!
(Straight to ya!)
The stuffing's coming
(Straight to ya!)
Eat it eat it eat it eat it eat it eat it


Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 04:38:48 -0800 (PST)
From: Benjamin Lukoff <>
Subject: meat
Message-ID: <>

Satanas Diablo <> wrote:

> One thing I would ask of all of you though is if you were to look at your
> local market for "Tofurkey" you would be quite suprised at the taste!  It
> tastes just like Turkey.  Remember, Spices are what makes the meat taste
> good; its the preperation, not the actual food that tasts good.  Go to

Quite a blanket statement.  I don't think that's true at all.  Except for
sausage.  I would fully agree that it's the spices that make the various
organ meats and bits of gristle taste (quite) good in sausage.
I mean, maybe it's true for you, but I think unspiced food tastes fine.
And though I like a liberal sprinkling of salt and pepper (or soy sauce
and vinegar, depending) on all my meats, they help enhance the underlying
flavor, not mask it.  Anyway, I had a nutburger once.  It was actually
pretty good, but it didn't taste a thing like meat.  Not an acceptable
substitute for me.

> Jack and the Box or Taco Bell and you will know what I mean, tastes more
> like shit to me!

Yum!  Makes me want a sourdough bacon cheeseburger and then a Chilito!
(I want to come home!  I don't think they have Jack in the Boxes or Taco
Bells over here!)

- Ben Lukoff of Seattle, currently studying in London


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 01:58:08 -0500 (EST)
From: Satanas Diablo <>
Subject: Charlie Buck.

Real funny to take a fake name like Charlie buck to prove some kind of
little cool point.  A Charlie works for me, so this is not him.  B, he
is right beside me.  Grow up.  Wonder why I am so sick of the bullshit
on this list.  I recieve way more fucked up mail than I do positve
mail, even though I have not argued for months with anyone!  To the
other guy talking about forwarding letters to John, it was done, I did
my point, and I pointed everyone out on the list, but John did not let
my message go through as he thought it would do more harm than good.
Just grow the fuck up and lets talk about music.  Stop emailing me
with the drama and get on with your lives.  This only aplies to the
assholes emailing me (bad stuff!) and the people pretentding to be
other people.  GROW UP!!!

	[ Let's keep this stuff off the list, please.  -- John ]


Message-ID: <001601bf3366$316756c0$6b96cdcf@computer>
From: "Scott & Karyn Creedon" <>
Subject: Re: Sleeping Through Swindon
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 08:47:38 -0600

Hello all. Back in 1993, I had the luck to go to England on an Air Force
excercise at a base about 15-20 miles north of Swindon. Unfortunately, when
the Arkells brewerey invited us to tour their brewery in Swindon (a REAL
BLAST) I had no idea that the brewery I was in was on holy ground. At that
time, if someone was to mention XTC to me, I would have said , "you mean the
one hit wonders who did Generals & Majors?" Anyway, after enlightenment
happened when a coworker brought in Nonsvch to work back in 1995, I kicked
myself for being so ignorant. Had I known what I know now, I would have
spent alot of time in Swindon.


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 10:53:30 EST
Subject: Re: tongue in cheek by jowl

In a message dated 11/20/99 12:20:29 AM Central Standard Time, our very own
dear misunderstood Debora writes:

>  From: brown <>
>  a few digests back I made a feeble attempt at humor when I said:
>  > to the coquettish Melissa
>  > la-tee-da, young missy!
>  Melissa replied with:
>  > I think you'll find I actually said people USED TO tell me I looked like
>  > Tina Weymouth.

>  Yes, I caught the USED TO.  My tongue was firmly planted in cheek when I
>  chucked that one at you...absolutely no evil intent, I assure
>  you....actually I think your hair is quite lovely.
>  Debora 'so misunderstood, sniff-sniff' Brown

O Debs! Darling! I fear _I_ am the one whose attempts at humor have proved
feeble! Why I swear I had nothing more in mind than to join your merry
banter and add to it my own. Sadly it appears my good-natured jests have
been taken for little more than petty jibes at the expense of a dear
fellow Chalkmonger.  Woe is me. Do write again and tell me that all is
forgiven, for I shall never forgive myself, I'm sure!

--Melissa "unquiet slumbers for this sleeper" Reaves


Message-Id: <>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:02:50 -0800
Subject: Rasberry Cremes
From: "Diamond" <>

Wow, I'm an idiot. I can't beleive what an idiot I am. I JUST realized the
joke in the title "Turkey Pluto" For this contest. Man, I feel like an
imbicile. (Although, I think a name like "Turkey Aphrodite would've been

On a much lighter note, IT'S MY BIRTHdAY!!! YEAH!! I'm 16 years old! I can
get my Drivers Permit!!! Yeah!!!

So, what'd you get me. What do you mean "nothing"? Well, see if I ever got
YOU anything on YOur birthday!!! Humph

Question for everyone. In "Senses Working Overtime" After the Black
Skies/Black Eyes/Black Ice part, after he sings "Very Very Beautiful..."
You can here Andy muttering something quitely. Does anyone know what he's

also, who likes the BBC version of "No Thugs In Our House" better then the
real version? I do.

On another note, tonight is my bands First GIG!!! In case you don't know,
my band is called
Leviathan Chihuahua
It's a two-person band that my best freind and I have created. It's very
They Might be Giants influenced, but my songs also have a little XTC in
them, and his songs have a little Oingo Boingo in them, and, ultimately, we
have our own kind of sound and It's real neat-o! We're playing three songs
tonight, because it's a small gig (It's actually just a coffee house, but
we're calling it a gig)
FIRST, a song of his, called Welcome To My Padded Cell
NEXT, a song of mine called In Your Oubliette (that's Ooo, Bleee, ette)
LAST, as song we wrote together called Prisoner Of Love
The last song, Prisoner of love, is a love song about a nazi. It's really
funny. here's an example of a lyric from it:

A love like ours is so unique
each flower that blooms is a swastika
wipe that frown right off your face
you and me , we're the masterrace
Oh, who could ask for more
baby, out of three reichs your four!

You like?? Please don't be offended, it's all in good fun (If not in good

Kevin Diamond
The Birthday Boy
In His Birthday Suit (Not Really)

P.S. Yes, that IS how I spell Rasberry in my dictionary, so there,
"To emphasize the afterlife is to deny life. To concentrate on heaven is to
create hell."
          -Tom Robbins


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 11:18:26 -0500
From: Mark Newberg <>
Organization: @Home Network
Subject: Eh wot?

Speaking as someone who aspires to be a guest on the Jerry Springer
television show show: my one toothed, one hair strategically combed over
my head to make you think I have a full head of hair, T-shirt with gravy
and blood stains wearing self respectfully informs the people of
Chalkhills that sometimes I have a damn hard time understanding what is
being said here.

Could you good folks please take some stupid pills to reach my level? We
are all not MENSA members you know.

 <Boy, that phlegm taste good. Wooey!! Get along doogie>

XTC RULES MAN (YEAH!!!!!)      <-----said in true headbanging fashion


Message-Id: <v04003a00b45cd220d654@[]>
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 18:21:46 -0500
From: maggie jungwirth <>
Subject: sextc

Davidoh stood up to be counted (that makes three of us?) who love "ICOH"

>when i first bought av1, i just couldn't get past 'greenman', no
matter how hard i tried. ...... i get chill-bumps when i hear the
strings swell underneath second reading of the line "like the swirling
sky", which is followed by that calming diminuendo.
also, the contrapuntal vocal lines near the end ("of all the things you've
got...") fits so well against the chorus lines. it truly is a beautiful

Yes, isn't it amazing the same guy who gave us "Roads Girdle the Globe!"
could give us this beautiful flower/sunset/orgasm/walk thru a dewey woods
of a song?  (god-I guess my pagan preferences just came out) I'm glad
there's guys out there that like that song.  I was thinking it might go
down as a token chic song.
While I'm still learning everybodys personalities/preferences here, I'm
guessing maybe John in Japan would like it while Dom would hate it, Molly
might like it...  I wonder if there are gender preferences for various XTC
songs.   While it's not good to generalize too much- what would be a total
guy song?  "Train Running Low on Soul Coal"? ( hmmm...I like that one alot)
Womansong? (besides ICOH...)  uhhh-  "You're the Wish You Are I Had"?
While I understand our moderator thinks little of "lists and favorites"
discussions, I'd be interested in what appeals to male vs. female XTC
lovers.  While I love A)their lyrics B)their music and C)Andy,  I feel I
have one third more to love about them than (straight) guys.  Seems many
guys on this list are musicians, and into their musicianship.  I could be

Mr. Lawson replied to me:
>I, on the other hand, do mean to make light of your discomfort at the word
>"cunt". It's a word. Get over it. You ****.

Thank you very much.  DOMINIC LAWSON, ladies and gentlemen! (applause)

*under mats of flower lava*

p.s. "Charlie Buck" is back and having a public snit/something with a
former friend...not again, please.


Message-ID: <00c401bf33cc$7dc264e0$6e5791d2@johnboud>
From: "John Boudreau" <>
Subject: To turk or not to turk ...
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 11:18:02 +0900

Satanas El Diablo wrote :

>Note about thanksgiving.  Its a holiday that cellebrates the murder of the

" There you go again " , Satanas . Thanksgiving is a public celebration in
acknowledgment of divine favor ; not a " holiday that celebrates the murder
of turks ( turkeys ) " . Now I know the word divine is not in your
vocabulary , and I have no problem with that at all , some of my best
friends are athiests , but by denigrating Thanksgiving you show once again -
as you did with your little " joke " re: Christians killing you because of
your alias - your apparent ignorance .
>Also, the slaughter of Turkey's is SO bad this time of year.

Other than for use as food , a turkey has absolutely no reason for existence
on this planet . I myself do not eat much animal meat ; and do not miss a
turkey sandwich ; but I must say that I have little sympathy for turkeys or
chickens . They were put on this earth to be eaten by us - the smartest
monkeys . Heck , some of my best friends eat meat on a daily basis !!!?

> I will celebrate the holiday (as having dinner with the in-laws) but I
>dont >cellebrate the meaning nor do I slaughter animals.

You said Thanksgiving was " a holiday that celebrates the murder of turks "
, and you "  celebrate the holiday " with your in-laws ???

> No offence to non
>vegetarians out there, but I mean, if I were to come on here and it was my
>culture to eat dogs (I have Philipeno friends who actually do eat dogs,
>though most dont!)  I would have TONS of people saying I was disgusting
>and would put me down for eating dogs, so, I have just as much right to
>comment about Turkey.

I hope your Philippino friends are in the Philippines and not America !
Domestic pets should not be on anyone's menu in the land of plenty .

>One thing I would ask of all of you though is if you were to look at your
>local market for "Tofurkey" you would be quite suprised at the taste!  It
>tastes just like Turkey.  Remember, Spices are what makes the meat taste
>good; its the preperation, not the actual food that tasts good.

I eat fresh tofu every day in miso soup ; cold topped with soy sauce and
dried bonito flakes ; or prepared in various other ways . I love it ; but
there is no way it is going to taste just like turkey ( and a good thing too
! ) .

>Go to
>Jack and the Box or Taco Bell and you will know what I mean, tastes more
>like shit to me!

What is a vegetarian ( you alluded to the fact you are a vegetarian when you
said " no offence to non-vegetarians out there ... " ) doing sampling the
culinary delights of Jack InThe Box and Taco Bell ? Perhaps the " shit "
they serve their was your impetus for becoming a vegetarian ? If so , I
understand .

Satanas , you really do ASK for it . Even your friend Charlie Buck is
dis-owning you :

>I'm hereby distancing myself from any former or latter relationships with
>the denamed Satanas Diablo.

Nuff said ...

Also ... Mr. Kimball wrote :

>I do not dream about XTC, or Andy, or Colin, or Dave...>In fact the only
celebrity dream I can recall involved Midnight Oil. I >think I grew out of
that once I discovered they were born-again

Over the years I have had several dreams starring one of my fave writers
William Burroughs , who was an avowed athiest . Mattered not one iota to me
. Did you stop listening to Midnight Oil's music , too ? I still read Bill
... and Jack ... and Allen ...

XTC content - My offer to procure  the Ltd. Edition Japanese Homespun for
list members still stands , assuming it is still available . $ 35 inc. Air
Mail postage .

John in Sushiland


End of Chalkhills Digest #5-316

Go back to the previous page.