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Subject: Chalkhills Digest #5-315

         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 5, Number 315

                 Friday, 19 November 1999

Today's Topics:

             Its that time of year again.....
                 apology and declaration
                 SF Bay area help needed
                   But I can't eat it:
                 Knives of Ginsu Hardness
       in reply to "An Open Letter to Steven Paul"
         Gross Generalisations (and other stuff)
                  Five You Ought To Have
            a belated response & the g.c.w.f.
      The candy coloured clown they call the Sandman
               Re: Sleeping Through Swindon
                    The First of Many
       Dom Deloiuse is Fat: Note to Dom & The Turks
                      satanas diablo
                    filling up tonight
       Re:greenman-english folk vs arabic mysticism
                     I Can't Eat Tom
                   Re: [CONTEST UPDATE]
                   VH1 reminder/levity
             Re: Stuart Adamson Was A Big...


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Message-Id: <>
Subject: Its that time of year again.....
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 13:30:06 +0100

Hi everyone,

Buying a couple of T-shirts in The Gap in Cheapside in London
yesterday, over the music system they started playing 'Thanks for
Christmas'....Oh well it makes a change from Jona Lewie and 'Stop the

All the best



Date: 18 Nov 1999 06:33:54 -0800
Message-ID: <>
Subject: apology and declaration

I feel like a jerk. I don't want to fight! I was snippy in my last
post to DavidOh. I hate being snippy! DavidOh, I'm sorry, man. There's
just a simple miscommunication going on, and I'll bet it's my
fault. Please accept my apology for being so reactionary. I feel like
being a jerk here, in Chalkhills, is kind of like being a jerk in


Permanent morgasm to all,


Message-ID: <>
From: "Brian Young" <>
Subject: SF Bay area help needed
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 09:38:32 EST

Hello Chalkies!

I just moved to the SF Bay area (Clayton, CA) and I was wondering if there
were any Chalkhills folks in the area who could recommend any radio
stations, record/cd stores and venues for live music.

If so, please contact me off list.





Message-ID: <>
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 09:47:50 -0800 (PST)
From: nross <>
Subject: But I can't eat it:

Turkey Pluto contest entry:

"I Can't Eat It"

- I own this oven
- I own this grub
- All of the stuffing
- And the meat I tend to snub
- But I can't eat it.
- I'm a vegetarian.
- But I can't eat it.
- what a sad state I'm in.
- Throw it a-way
- It goes down the drain, and I'm going to cry
- Damn bank account is dry...

... Happy Turkey Day!!!
... and a happy Thanksgiving to all who give thanks!!!

-Thank you, Nicole

Nicole's internet music station:


Message-ID: <>
From: Steve Sims <>
Subject: Knives of Ginsu Hardness
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 09:52:48 -0800

Knives of ginsu hardness
Rend your frame
And with love for dark meat
They're to blame

If you had a head
They'd slice it, grinning
And scoop your stuffing out
Knives of ginsu hardness aren't ashamed

Jello'd fruity mold
Cold as grandma's toes
Reveals your giblet soul
Into lukewarm gravy
"Want that heated?"

Knives of ginsu hardness
Watch you eat
And with little effort, slice real neat

Ever on your plate
Mixing with the peas
Creamed onions pushed away
Knives of ginsu hardness slice real neat

Sunken salmon mousse
Hard as sculptor's clay
Makes clean-up u-gly
We'll bring Joy and rubber gloves
Steaming hot

Jellied candied yam...

I feel better now.


Message-ID: <002d01bf31c4$9b0350a0$>
From: "Steven Paul" <>
Subject: in reply to "An Open Letter to Steven Paul"
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 12:29:41 -0000

Boy, some aliens are to teste.  Give them a little elbow in the ribs and
they go all to pieces.  If you think it hurts me that I am disqualified from
your silly contest, you -- my alien fried-- are sadly mistaken.  You see, I
thought it was a clever idea, and the words just spilled out of my pen, onto
paper, then quickly made their way onto my keyboard, into the cpu and onto
the screen.  I enjoyed the process, I was not in the "contest" for the
"sport" of it, as there may be some measure of corruption in this

I didn't quite get the Mrs. Paul reference, then realized that 'ma makes
some mean fish sticks -- see your local frozen foods section.  Got it.  I
may be a tad slow, but I'll get there.

>You have violated the spirit of the
>holiday RE: S.L.O.P; H.U.R.L; and S.H.*.T!

Then you must not have read the other posts relating to cooking (except that
well crafted and creative "THIS BUTTERBALL") which generally referred to
Thanksgiving/cooking failures.  Further, my goal was to mimic the spirit of
the song "Your Dictionary", which follows the above pattern fairly closely
(H.A.T.E., K.I.C.K., F.*.C.K.).  Doesn't really exhibit the spirit of loving
closeness and unity, does it.

Finally, "What a pathetic ploy that, you would urinate
        upon you family heritage. . . .   Unless, of course,
        you are truly a BASTARD!!!"

I take umbrage at your attack on my family heritage.  I will compare my
family tree against yours anyday.  (I hereby apologize for calling your
mother a carp - sensitive area -- shouldn't have gone there).   I am proud
of who I am and where/who I come from.   Sometimes you just don't make
sense.  Could there be some genetic malformity you are plagued with?

Sorry to take up some band width in my own defense.  But heetube threw down
the gauntlet.


Message-ID: <>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 10:24:01 +1100 (EST)
From: Mud Shark <>
Subject: Gross Generalisations (and other stuff)

Here we go again......

>From Satanas Diablo <> :

>>I dropped everything after all that has happened on
this list regarding me and M, and still, no one has
the decency to let it go and try and treat a fellow
fan with respect.<<

Rather a broad generalisation, don't you think? "No
one" has the decency to treat you with respect?
Personally, I find that statement insulting in the
extreme - not just because I've been found guilty by
association, but for the several other people on this
list with whom I've had contact in my short time here.
Strangely, I've never had a single problem with other
list members, and certainly haven't been on the
receiving end (or sending end, for that matter) of any
abusive e-mails. Once again, if you're still receiving
the sort of e-mails you were before (and it seems you
are), then forward the culprits' names to John Relph
and let him deal with them!

As for people ignoring your posts, I wouldn't take it
personally. It may well be that nobody has an answer
for your question - there's really no need to throw a
tantrum over it.

>>No controversy please, lets move on to talking about

Great idea! I wonder why nobody else thought of that?

>From "Diamond" <> :


Is that how you spell 'raspberry' in your dictionary?

Our wacky, zany Chief Of Staff
<> had this to
say :

>>'Andy Partridge' is an anagram of 'Dirty Red Pagan'.
I think this could mean something.<<

It turns out that 'Andy Partridge' is also an anagram
of 'Pagan Did Terry'. That could also mean something,
but it might be better not to think too hard about it.


"I rail against God because I was told to stop eating paste in Sunday
school" - P.J.O'Rourke


Message-ID: <00e501bf3271$dcfb1940$665791d2@p13s574p>
From: "John  Boudreau" <>
Subject: Five You Ought To Have
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 18:37:39 +0900

Travis wrote :

>On a better topic.....1999 is almost
>done, and I wouldn't mind seeing everybody's top ten
>list of favorite albums of 1999.  With the exception
>of AV1 and Homespun, I didn't buy any new albums this

For what it is worth , my TOP 5 fave purchases of 1999 ( excepting AV1 ,
Homespun , and Transistor Blast )  in no particular  order are as follows

*Durutti Column : Vini Reilly
*Durutti Column : Sex and Death
*Brian Eno : Apollo - Atmospheres & Soundtracks
*Brian Eno : Ambient 4 / On Land
*Miles Davis : Bitches Brew ( bought it way back when in 1969 and vaguely
remembered it but bought it on CD after several heavy recommendations ...

Oldies but goodies ...

John in Japan


Message-Id: <>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 01:02:15 -0500
From: David Oh <>
Subject: a belated response & the g.c.w.f.

guten tagen, meinen dammens und herrens!

sorry, i had to get that outter me system. you see, i just got news today
that my friend jurgen - who lives in gehrden, germany - will be celebrating
the new year/decade/century/millenium/whatever with me here in toronto! we
haven't seen each other in over 11 years! he arrives on 27 december and
stays for 2 weeks. it's gonna be a busy fortnight as there are so many
things to see and do here in 'trawno'. now, i gotta brush up on mein
deutsches... where's my german/english dictionary?
anyroad, on to the belated response...

a question was posed in an earlier digest asking those who love 'i can't
own her' to stand up and be counted, so... <standing up to be counted>

when i first bought av1, i just couldn't get past 'greenman', no matter how
hard i tried. now, after almost nine months (!!!), 'icoh' is my favourite
song on the album (i have homespun, too, but i prefer the finished version
to the demo). i get chill-bumps when i hear the strings swell underneath
second reading of the line "like the swirling sky", which is followed by
that calming diminuendo.

also, the contrapuntal vocal lines near the end ("of all the things you've
got...") fits so well against the chorus lines. it truly is a beautiful
song. i only wish i could write a song - just one song - as beautiful as
that, but "i may as well wish for the moon in hand, as there's more chance
of that coming true"!

[boy, is it ever difficult trying to type whilst standing up. can i sit
down now?]
ok, next on the agenda; the g.c.w.f. (the great chalkhillian wank fest),
otherwise known as the musical instrument list that i've been compiling. as
the responses have now stopped flowing in, i've started to run the stats.
however, i have a feeling that the list is nowhere near as representative
of what is really out there among you, as there seems to be something
missing. unless i am mistake (which is very likely), there has been nothing
sent in by any of you chalkettes out there. i cannot believe that there's
not even one woman out there who doesn't play guitar or piano or
what-have-you! bongos, even?

so, i've decided to set a deadline; 31 december, 1999 (seems as good as any
other date). please send your list to me directly (,
as it's easier for me to transfer the data that way instead of picking it
out of the digest. i thank you in advance. also, i may be contacting some
of the respondants in the next few weeks to clarify/verify some of the
data. you have been warned!
lastly, i was going to comment on the dom bashing and his responses to it,
but, ah... why get involved? i've got better things to do... like running
stats and planning for my new year's guest...

later, dudes and dudettes!

 peace & xtc,



Message-ID: <>
From: "Duncan Kimball" <>
Subject: The candy coloured clown they call the Sandman
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 19:04:11 PST

I do not dream about XTC, or Andy, or Colin, or Dave. Does that mean I
don't love them anymore?

In fact the only celebrity dream I can recall involved Midnight Oil. I
think I grew out of that once I discovered they were born-again

The most recent dream I can remember was my recurring enxiety number
involving the theft of all my CDs. It most distressing.

Thank you Seb for so valiantly springe-ing to my defence (or defense,
depending on which side of the pond you inhabit). BTW I didn't mind at all
that David posted something about motor racing, or anything off-topic for
that matter. I just happen to think motor racing is a colossal bore, and I
think I have as much right to post back expressing my opinion as David has
to express his. I was not flaming him, just responding.


Message-ID: <>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 07:31:33 -0600
From: Peter Mullin <>
Subject: Re: Sleeping Through Swindon

John in Sushiland wrote:

> Now , how can any self-respecting XTC fan go all the to England , and
> actually pass through Swindon without stopping for a look ' round ? I ask
> you !

Well, it _is_ Swindon, after all...

Peter in Huskerland
    Sh-sh-sh-shop as usual...and avoid panic buying


Message-ID: <>
From: "Bob Crain" <>
Subject: The First of Many
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 18:19:17 PST,

Here's probably the first of many posts to rain down on you regarding the
apparent appearance of XTC on MTVUnP.  Here it goes:

Andy likes to claim that XTC started the whole MTV Unplugged shenanigan
with their acoustic tour supporting "Oranges and Lemons."  They did appear
on MTV during this promotional swing, which was followed not too slowly by
the original Jules Shear hosted MTV Unplugged series.  This story usually
comes out when AP is asked in an interview a question like, "If you don't
like touring, why don't you just appear on MTV Unplugged or something?"

And then he usually says, "cunt", under his breath.

-Bob Crain


Message-ID: <383866368.942982915733.JavaMail.root@web05.pub01>
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 22:41:55 -0500 (EST)
From: Satanas Diablo <>
Subject: Dom Deloiuse is Fat: Note to Dom & The Turks

Good point, agreed.  I dont work, or at least not for someone else, so I
guess time is different for me.  I only allow myself to work about 4 hours
a day since I had my newborn baby 2 months ago!  I own my own mastering
studio as well as several sites, as well as produce music for a lot of
different artists.  Anyway, I still would like some demo's.

Note about thanksgiving.  Its a holiday that cellebrates the murder of the
turks.  The concept of white people and indians sitting eating at a picnic
table is about as true as the story that Columbus discovered Amerikkka.
Also, the slaughter of Turkey's is SO bad this time of year.  I will
celebrate the holiday (as having dinner with the in-laws) but I dont
cellebrate the meaning nor do I slaughter animals.  No offence to non
vegetarians out there, but I mean, if I were to come on here and it was my
culture to eat dogs (I have Philipeno friends who actually do eat dogs,
though most dont!)  I would have TONS of people saying I was disgusting
and would put me down for eating dogs, so, I have just as much right to
comment about Turkey.

One thing I would ask of all of you though is if you were to look at your
local market for "Tofurkey" you would be quite suprised at the taste!  It
tastes just like Turkey.  Remember, Spices are what makes the meat taste
good; its the preperation, not the actual food that tasts good.  Go to
Jack and the Box or Taco Bell and you will know what I mean, tastes more
like shit to me!


Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 14:12:16 -1200
From: "charles buck" <>
Message-ID: <>
Subject: satanas diablo
Organization: Angelfire  (

I'm hereby distancing myself from any former or latter relationships with
the denamed Satanas Diablo. I lent this MoFo 5 Premium Longshore
Greenbacks to finance his movie theatre in Santa Titta and he never paid
me back. Is that a way to treat a fellow XTC fan?
Oh, anyone wanna trade this album with the bluish cover for a wet
Charles Milhous Buck


Message-ID: <>
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 20:57:31 EST
Subject: filling up tonight


Let us eat a lot of delicious foods we like
A ton of this and that
Eschew the fat.

Lets' enjoy a glass of whatever
As our wives pluck the feathers.
Then enjoy a great big sandwich
In honor of Miles Standish

We're all just filling up tonight

Let's reveal barbaric nature
As we tear off the drumsticks from the bird.
Thats the word.

Share some smokes with an indian squaw
Run when the chief says we're breaking his law.
First thanksgiving is quite a thing
While we chomp upon the wing

We'r eall just filling up tonight.

But theres always one who wants to say grace
We'll tell him we're too busy stuffing our face!

Lets deny the funny feeling
That w ejust stuffed ourselves a bit too much
'Till we throw up

Now it's time to eat the pie
We're really too full
But still gonna try

We're all just filling up tonight,tonight.
We'll need some

eddie st.martin


Message-ID: <>
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 19:10:53 -0500
From: george toledo <>
Organization: home
Subject: Re:greenman-english folk vs arabic mysticism

There has been an ongoing discussion as to the major musical influences
on the song Greenman- my contention is that it has a very similar sound
to Joe Jackson's Night and Day album. I'm not saying that this is what
inspired the song, melody, or chords- the production is pretty similar
though...................................peace,    george


Message-ID: <>
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 19:48:40 EST
Subject: I Can't Eat Tom


    and I may as well wish for a spoon in hand

   I'll eat some carrots
   I'll eat some pie
   I'll eat some turnips
   And then i'm gonna cry...

   'cause I can't eat Tom
   And I never will
   No' I can't eat Tom
   Why'd you have to kill

   This turkey here
   How I'd watch and hear
   When he'd gobble and run
   When he'd gobble and run

   I'll eat some corn bread
   I'll eat some beets
   I'll eat succotash
   Then from the table I'll retreat

   'cause I can't eat Tom
   And I never will
   No, I can't eat Tom
   Why'd you have to kill?

   And when I say I can't eat Tom,
   I don't mean just this one
   I don't eat meat,and no, it's not just turkey
   Call me a vegetarian, I'm not the only one,
   We don't eat meat, but that don't mean we're jerky

   Well, I may as well wish for a spoon in hand...
  not a knife, or a fork , just a spoon...

   eddie st.martin


Message-ID: <>
Date: 18 Nov 99 17:38:44 PST
From: vee tube <>

  Well, things seem to be humming along
 quite nicely but,I see where some of
you who are enjoying this haven't entered!

            Why not?

  "Here's a contest you can all join in on,
   It's quite simple but I think it's fun"
                    Traffic '71?

  If you ain't 'hep to da jive' see...
    Vol.5 # 307 RE: CONTEST RULES

 You might win a big 12 inch baster!


P.S. All entries must be POSTED! by 11-22-99


Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 08:59:18 -0800 (PST)
Message-Id: <>
From: brown <>
Subject: VH1 reminder/levity

'Jello all you marvelous creatures!

I hope you Yankee Chalkmonkeys have not slacked off on your requests to
VH1....please continue to lobby for a Behind The Music episode featuring our
brilliant gents...WE WANT OUR XTC!   -or-   go to their website        -thanks!

Warning- NO xtc to follow-
a few digests back I made a feeble attempt at humor when I said:

 --and speaking of The Talking Heads.. to the coquettish Melissa 'who looks
> like Tina Weymouth', I say la-tee-da, young missy!  People are always
> telling ME I look like Margaret Thatcher..but you don't hear ME bragging
> about it...SHEESH...--

Melissa replied with:

--I think you'll find I actually said people USED TO tell me I looked like
Tina Weymouth. That was, like, 15 years ago. The only current comparison I
can come up with is to the cardigan queen Pauline Fowler of Eastenders. My
only consolation is that my light blond hair is still _naturally_
Pauline's color.  Okay, so that was bragging, but what're ya gonna do?
It's all I have to brag about.  That and my exquisite taste in music.--

Yes, I caught the USED TO.  My tongue was firmly planted in cheek when I
chucked that one at you...absolutely no evil intent, I assure
you....actually I think your hair is quite lovely.

Re:how about that XTC?                Love 'em!

Shuckin' and a jivin',

Debora 'so misunderstood, sniff-sniff' Brown
* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If a song makes you tap your foot and you feel it down your back, you don't
have to ask anybody if that's good music or not."- Miles Davis
* ----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 12:25:08 -0500
Subject: Re: Stuart Adamson Was A Big...
From: William Loring <>
Message-ID: <>


I'm sorry that agreeing with me causes you pain. Although as far as I'm
concerned, I think you're still missing the point.

Here's my perceived difference in our opinions... you tell me if I'm off

Your take: Don't take me seriously, except when I'm being serious. It's up
to you to figure this out, and if you guess wrong I'll swear at you and call
you names. I may do this even if you guess right. Oh, the swearing and name
calling may be a joke too, but you won't find that out until you're already
pissed at me. The basic gist is "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."

My take: I love to argue, but I try to do it without the name-calling, and
long diatribes. You are right, this _is_ a community, and I try to work
within the expectations of that community. I try not to mock people, make
fun of their beliefs, or purposely say things that I know will offend them.
You may think this is the oh-so-out-of-fashion "politically correct" way to
behave, but most people just call it common decency. I would also say that
it's taking personal responsibility for what I say.

On the use of profanity: Am I to understand that I must agree that what is a
"perfectly normal term of abuse" to you, must also be acceptable to me?
Aren't we living in a global community? Why is it that your standards win,
and not mine? How can you tell someone else to be aware of cultural
differences when you don't appear to acknowledge them yourself? There can be
a middle ground here.


William Loring


End of Chalkhills Digest #5-315

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