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Subject: Chalkhills Digest #5-309

         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 5, Number 309

                Thursday, 11 November 1999

Today's Topics:

                        Turkey Nut
                 same sort of thing again
                  Goodie Goodie Yum Yum
              Nothing Makes Me More Content
               AV2: I Don't Want To Be Here
                       WUA: atbabob
                   Happy Birthday Andy
                   Bill Nye the XTC Guy
              XTC 24 Bit Reissued Collection
              An Open Letter To Gary Hooper
                     XTC and MP3.COM
           It's Your Big Day.............Andy!
                      chain yanking
                     homespun harmony
               Seagulls Screaming in Japan
      The Homespun Value Debate and Robyn Hitchcock.


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    The views expressed herein are those of the individual authors.

    Chalkhills is compiled with Digest 3.7 (John Relph <>).

Slimy tongues tell the truth which they love to bash and bend.


Date: 10 Nov 1999 12:28:47 -0800
Message-ID: <>
Subject: Turkey Nut

Basting my bird, basting my bird,
aw, you've got to keep it juicy!
Thanksgiving turkeys must be perfectly done.

Mashing my spuds, mashing my spuds,
got to pulverize the pieces.
I add the butter so the dish won't be plain.

Some people say
that I can cook worth #*@&%.
That I'm a frozen-food fool.
Tonight they'll see!
I hope nobody chokes on a cranberry,
cuz I leave them whole, you see.

So I'm going to baste,
And I'll give it a taste
then I'll add some salt,
yeah, add some salt,(fade-out adding salt...)

(Sorry guys, really deep down sorry)


Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 14:03:28 -0800 (PST)
From: Tyler Hewitt <>
Subject: same sort of thing again

Same sort of thing happened on They Might Be Giants'
"John Henry" album; the song "Nyquil Driver" was
retitled "AKA Driver", and it was the one song which
they didn't include the lyrics to on that album.

You balding punkers out there (I guess I'm one, except
for the balding part) may remember a song titled
"Carbona Not Glue" on the second Ramones lp. It was
only on the initial pressings, and was pulled after
the makers of Carbona Spot Remover threatened a
lawsuit (the song is about the joys of sniffing
it-better than glue!) I actually found an original
copy of Ramones Leave Home in a used record store back
when I was in college, and bought it. For all the
fuss, "Carbona Not Glue" sounds exactly like every
other song on the album. Most of us paid no attention
to Ramones lyrics anyways. I for one have never had
the desire to beat on the brat with a baseball bat!


Message-ID: <>
From: "Duncan Kimball" <>
Subject: Goodie Goodie Yum Yum
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 15:10:01 PST

Obviously I was misinformed. Tim Brooke-Taylor is (I'm happy to say) alive
and well. So is Bill Oddie, who I think is a very funny and talented man
and certainly does not deserve to die before anyone else, as has been most
uncharitably suggested. It is of course Margaret Thatcher and Rupert
Murdoch who deserve to die before anyone else.

BTW thanks to the kind soul (OK I forget who it was) who steered me to tha
Goodies website.

I don't recall who told me about TB-T's supposed demise - perhaps I was
the victim of a prank. Oddly enough, it transpires that Tim is currently
starring the new series of the BBC comedy "One Foot In The Grave" - maybe
that was how the mixup occurred?



From: "Michael Versaci" <>
Subject: Nothing Makes Me More Content
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 19:29:23 -0500
Message-ID: <000201bf2bdb$cea9a600$>


Jeffery Thomas said:

>"Frivolous Tonight" is wonderful, an example of a really great songwriter
>-- totally different in his focus and his "endpoints" than his cohort --
>showing what he can do.  It's melodic, it's lyrical, it's derivative and
>at the same time original, it's perfectly arranged, it's...well, it's

And, it is prime example of what Dave Gregory is capable of as a

Absolutely a brilliant record and one of my favorite XTC tracks...

Michael Versaci


Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 17:48:39 -0800
From: Rich Bunnell <>
Subject: AV2: I Don't Want To Be Here

Sorry if this has been debated in full before, but exactly -why- is Andy
not including this song on AV2? It's got one of the best melodies of any
of his recent demoes (with "Stupidly Happy" passing it up by a bit)--
what is there about this marvelous song which makes Andy not willing to
release it?

* ----------------------------------------------
Rich Bunnell or "Taoster Man"--No, it's not a typo
If you wish to E-mail, remove "SPAMSUCKS" from the address in the header


Message-Id: <>
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 23:41:10 -0500
Subject: WUA: atbabob
From: "Harrison Sherwood" <>

>From: Joe Funk <>
>Subject: Are you kiddin' me,..... WUA-isosp?

>Simon! Do you realize the implications of such a
>code!? No more Harrison Sherwood?!!

Surely, Mr. Funk, you realize by now this "person" you call "Harrison
Sherwood" is a computer program written by some impish MIT students as a
project in their Advanced Technological Nihilism class in the late
Eighties? It is a crafty admixture that combines the
complex-sentence-formation algorithms of Rhetoric Blaster 3.0, the Max
Headroom Illogic Engine from the old COBOL-based ChainYanker 2.5, and a
proprietary Department of Defense program from the Reagan Administration
that was used to ghostwrite Caspar Weinberger's speeches. They've been
testing the program on the Internet since the early Nineties, and have
reached a level of program robustness whereby even the keenest experts
in bozoid detection have been fooled. Error rates are by now extremely
low, and the MTBF (Mean Time Between Fuckups) has been reduced to
sauteed kidney stones per Denver.

The diabolically clever pun in the program's name should have given the
game away by now, and the Programmers are puzzled as to why it hasn't.

The thought of enacting a retroactive ban on an innocent algorithm
(which, after all, is only doing what its designers meant for it to do)
smacks so badly of an unimplemented trap that the Harrison Sherwood
Program experiences a General Protection Fault at its merest mention.


The Harrison Sherwood Program is actually quite taken with the idea of
the WUA code for Chalkhills posts, and suggests that it could be refined
for a greater degree of specificity. A reader who is offended by an
"ironic, satirical or sarcastic post" might be able to avoid those with
the "isosp" label -- but would be wholly unprotected from the other
sorts of wind-up posts that appear in these pages. In the interests of
further protecting sensitive Chalkhills readers from each others'
thoughtless depredations, may the Harrison Sherwood Program propose the
Endless Loop Category, a label could be used to demark posts that invite
simulated metacommentary through the fiendish stratagem of employing
simulated metacommentary? That's some catch, that Catch-23....

    atbabob: attempts to bullshit a bunch of bullshitters

Any other refinements anyone can think of?


>Date: Tue, 9 Nov 1999 17:07:24 +0000

>having checked the
>lyric sheet in my vinyl copy I'd have to say that 'definitely' is pushing
>the envelope a little here. In fact, on the assumption that the lyric sheet
>for the CD version of Black Sea was typed up from the original (pseudo?)
>hand-written lyric sheet from the vinyl version, I am not surprised that
>someone got it wrong because there is a decided gap between the A and the v
>and the final letter could quite reasonably be interpreted as a w rather
>than an n. Obviously they could have given the job to someone who knew the
>music, and would therefore have realised that 'A vow lady' was utter cack,
>but that would have been too easy now, wouldn't it??

One of the advantages of being a computer program instead of a person is
that one is rarely called upon to account for--or even recall--the
unimaginably fetid state of one's dormitory room during one's sophomore
year in college. This blessed condition explains why the Harrison
Sherwood Program's vinyl record collection is, even twenty years later,
a hopeless tangle of missing and misplaced sleeve inserts, torn
gatefolds, marijuana residue in nooks and crannies, and general
turpitude. This also explains why, at the Harrison Sherwood Program's
house, if you select Black Sea for your listening pleasure, the
venerable vinyl pie slides out of the cover encased in (horrified gasp!)
the inner sleeve of the Dateful Bread's most drunken sloppy mess of an
album, "Europe '72."

In its defense, all the Harrison Sherwood Program can say is, at the
time the fateful switch was made, we could share the women, we could
share the wine. And boy did we ever.

The parlous state of its record collection doesn't really bother the
Harrison Sherwood Program very much most of the time, but when this
business of the Avon Lady came up, its first instinct was to attribute
the "A vow lady" typo to exactly the sort of all-too-human laziness and
misreading of the lyrics that our friend Steve theorizes above. But
alack-a-day, without the original lyric sheet, it could not verify its
suspicion. Lesson learned, comeuppance finally awarded. It pays to be

So it put on "China Cat Sunflower/I Know You Rider," fired up a fat bone
of Toledo Windowbox, and waited for blessed oblivion....

Harrison "I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it..."

PS: Please note new email address. Big Things are afoot.

PPS: "Big Things are afoot"????


Message-ID: <007901bf2c00$cd2c06e0$d7dda4d8@default>
Subject: Relax
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 23:54:07 -0500

> mocks--
> >Megan (insert clever synonym for "said" here):

Who was mocking?  I was too lazy to think of, um, a clever synonym.  And
right now I'm too lazy to think of a clever synonym for "clever synonym".

-- Francis

"My old man's a viscount, and he wears a viscount's crown."
   -- The Monochrome Set


Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 23:21:02 EST
Subject: Happy Birthday Andy


BTW in that interview I quoted Andy not only made that KKTTSCCHH sound, he
laughed and said yes it's XTC as in a short way of saying ecstasy, plus it
looked good in print.



Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 21:41:50 -0800 (PST)
From: Molly Fanton <>
Subject: Bill Nye the XTC Guy

Mr. Martin wrote:
<<5. Bill Nye fronting  Stone Temple Pilots doing
"Senses Working Overtime". Great science tune.>>

Now this is a very, very scary thought.  I like Bill
Nye, but him singing this song.  Whoa.

Oh and Happy Birthday, Mr. Partridge.  It's also my
friend's b'day today (11/11) too.


Check Out My Craig Ferguson Tribute Page:
Molly's Page


Message-ID: <387938742.942301571539.JavaMail.root@web19.pub01>
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 01:26:11 -0500 (EST)
From: Satanas Diablo <>
Subject: XTC 24 Bit Reissued Collection

This is regarding the comment made by someone about Virgin remastering the
albums.  I dont understand why labels dont remaster stuff.  I recently
bought all the CD's from XTC.  All I had previously was Tapes and Vinyl.
Well, I was a little "bugged" (No pun intended) that after buying every
CD, not one of them besides the last greatest hits, were remastered (even
that sucked!  The engineer used the same eq settings for the whole

To me, that is a total rip.  They could easily repress the glass masters
since they continue to sell the CD's.  It costs nothing for them.  So, I
took the "liberty" of remastering all the albums myself!  Everything was
extracted, and processed in 24 bit.  I can't tell you how much better the
albums sound remastered!  Especially the older stuff.  With a little added
compression and eq adjustment I would say it now sounds at least a 75%
better then the virgin releases.  The dub experiment sounds like 200%
better at least!  They never mastered that in the slightest!  All the
songs are at different levels and it just stinks!  Once I get a hold of
the videos, I plan on messing around with them as well.  Maybe make a DVD
or CD Rom Video disk!  (Hello Wes...)

Not only have I mastered XTC, I even got a hold of all the Men Without
Hats, Boingo, PIL, Clash, Elvis Costello and some other greats and really
pumped them up as well.  Its well worth the time and money.

Speaking of that group XTC, is this F.W. box set that is supposed to come
out going to contain demos throughout their whole collection to date?
Also, are all the AV1 CD covers just a cheap cardboard with a pic on both
sides or did they release an alternate cover?


Message-ID: <001701bf2c15$f12a9ba0$70dd868b@GaryHooper>
From: "Gary Hooper" <>
Subject: Shame
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 18:23:49 +1100

As per Simon Deane's suggestion, I hereby banish myself from the list
indefinitely, for my shameful and inexcusable attack on the kind, generous
Mr. Dom Lawson. I mean he used to send his mother flowers and everything!

Santanas, you're on your own...

 - Gary.


From: "David Pitt" <>
Subject: TOTP2
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 09:41:03 -0000
Message-ID: <000001bf2c29$2b6fed20$>


> DAMN!!!!!
> Came in at 10 past 6 ie.10 past Top Of The Pops 2 - it just finished and
> I must have missed XTC in the first 10 minutes.
> WHAT DID THEY PLAY and what did that obnoxious smug little shit Steve
> Wright have to say about them please anyone?

Senses Working Overtime. (About the 4th track up after a very bored looking
Bill Withers.) I think Wright restricted himself to saying it was "very
eighties" and that they looked nervous. To be repeated, for all those
(Brits) who missed it, at 4.20 (?) on Saturday.

While I'm here, a question....  Way back on "Play at Home", Mr P visited a
mural in Swindon which featured many of the town's luminaries, including the
band. Does anyone know if the mural is still there and, if so, in which
street ? Sorry, that's two questions.



Message-ID: <>
From: Lawson Dominic <>
Subject: An Open Letter To Gary Hooper
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 09:55:28 -0000


Bullying? Posturing? Oh please! Don't be so melodramatic. If you can't just
have a laugh and move on then we're all in trouble. Who exactly was I
bullying? And furthermore, what did you hope to achieve by slagging me off?
I don't think I'm the one being pompous, humourless and a self-appointed
voice of the list.

OK, I've re-read my post. Here's a summary......

1. I made a comment about Avon ladies.
2. I called Joni Mitchell a silly cow. Ooh, controversial!
3. I said something nice about Reeves Gabrels.
4. I made two bad jokes about the word "pronounce". It's a hobby. Sorry.
5. I made a trivial observation which referred to no one specific.
6. I referred to, and thus explained, my chosen post title.
7. I referred to someone else's post and made a tame joke at the expense of
Satanus Diablo (or whatever) which I suspect he might be able to cope with
8. I waffled on about some crappy bit of equipment.
9. I mentioned a couple of Bill Bragg records that I like.
10. I listed my favourite lyricists.
11. I was sarcastic about Diablo's enquiry relating to microphones. Sorry,
but it was a blatant joke, and not remotely unfair in any way. Incidentally,
the remarks about deafness and tinnitus are all true for me. I bet your
heart's bleeding now!
12. I made a couple more throwaway comments.
13. I listed some possible covers of XTC songs by Metal artists, with a view
to amuse.

So what is your point exactly?



Message-ID: <000c01bf2c2a$221df360$29a0a8c0@sigta>
From: "Chris Clarke" <>
Subject: TOTP2
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 09:47:25 -0000

Belinda (and any others....)

They played (suprise, suprise) 'Senses Working Overtime' and all Steve
Wright had to say was that he thought the guys looked a little nervous,
which indeed they did (especially Dave, who appeared to have just popped
in from his day job as a bank clerk with a cute little boy lost look on
his face). All the little message box had to say was that it was Andy's
birthday on the 11/11 (Happy B'day, Andy!) and that XTC were from Swindon,
as are Mark Lamarr and Melinda Messanger. Amazing :-)

Why worry, anyway? Isn't it repeated on Saturday (or is it Sunday)?

As for Steve Wright being rubbish, well maybe, but surely better a
thousand Steve Wrights than one Jo Whiley....



Message-ID: <>
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 01:47:51 -0800 (PST)
From: Giovanni Giusti <>
Subject: XTC and MP3.COM


it may be something very obvious, but since nobody ever mentioned it
(as far as I remember)...

Try searching MP3.COM for "XTC" and it returns a lot of bands
claiming to have been influenced by the lads. Some of them are pretty
good. Among them I must cite the "20 Minute Loop".

By the way, shameless self-advertisement as it may sound, you can
listen to some of the things that I do by going to

I guess there are people on this list whose bands would also turn up.

Sorry if I had missed the 1,000 other posts where this was mentioned.



Message-ID: <>
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 03:34:57 -0800 (PST)
From: travis schulz <>
Subject: It's Your Big Day.............Andy!

I got to yell a big happy birthday greeting on the
radio moments ago, to our very own Andy Partridge!
His name, believe it or not, is on all 20 radio prep
sheets we have available for use this morning- what a
famous guy!! I asked if anybody out there was an XTC
fan. Too bad I only have cows for listeners-it's
Nebraska! Happy birthday Andy- hope your feelin'


Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 05:46:00 -0800
From: "James T" <>
Message-ID: <>
Subject: chain yanking
Organization: QUALCOMM Eudora Web-Mail  (

Hello everyone,

I couldn't help but be mystified (like the others who have already
written) by Gary Hooper's puzzlingly unjustified attack on Dom. There was
one line which I found particularly pathetic:-

>"" eh? Says a lot.

Says what exactly, Mr Hooper???

This kind of puerile, jingoistic comment tells me more about you than it
does about Dom. The only person yanking your chain seems be yourself.

Bye for now

James T.


Date: 11 Nov 1999 06:09:15 -0800
Message-ID: <>
Subject: Penance

I will be self-flagellating for a while due to the spree of spelling and
editing errors that I alone am responsible for. Apologies to anyone who
was innocently reading along, only to be assaulted by nonsense shoved in
their eyes by some drooling lunatic-deralict saying "ya know what I mean?"
over and over again while his filthy little dog pees on his pant leg.  I
think you deserve more...


Message-ID: <000401bf2c51$959b0180$635791d2@p13s574p>
From: "John  Boudreau" <>
Subject: homespun harmony
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 19:33:14 +0900

all ,

the " say a sunflower " harmony on homespun's " i'd like that " sends
shivers down my spine ...

john in japan


Message-ID: <000001bf2c5d$56d45580$6e5791d2@johnboud>
From: "John Boudreau" <>
Subject: Seagulls Screaming in Japan
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 00:56:24 +0900

 Hi All ,

Searching through live gig listings in Tokyo Classified and found this :

>Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her
>Shimokitazawa Shelter, 12/13-14, 7pm, JY2800. Info: Polystar 5721-3213.

With a name like this they've gotta be worth checking out ...



Message-ID: <>
From: Jill Oleson <>
Subject: The Homespun Value Debate and Robyn Hitchcock.
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 09:54:33 -0600

I saw Robyn Hitchcock perform the other night in an
extraordinarily small venue at the University of Texas at
Austin.  Sitting in a cafe chair in the front row, I was close
enough to hear him *whisper* to his new drummer "This
next (song) is the one that slows down at the end."  The
drummer nodded and began to play.  It was one of many
awkward moments in the show where it was clear that
what I was seeing was not a polished, well-rehearsed
performance.  It was spontaneous and it was rough
and I *loved* it.

I spoke with the drummer, Lindsay Jamieson, after the show.
He's with a band called Departure Lounge.  He explained that
Robyn had played on their new album, "Out of Here," and that
their guitarist/songwriter, Tim Keegan, had played on Robyn's
new album, "Jewels for Sophia."  Because of this, Robyn
asked them to tour with him as both the opening band and
Robyn's supporting band.  But that night was the first time
they had played together publicly.

As I said, it was clear that they had not played this material
much before.  But what amazed me and what impressed me
the most was how well each player was able to do his part
without intuitively knowing in advance what the rest of the
band was going to do.  In other words, because they did not
yet know the material well, they played more loosely and
because their playing was more loose, the raw evidence of
their talent was more clearly presented.  This may be the
exact inverse of what you might expect.

To me, this is what "Homespun" offers--loose, professional
playing that is not overly rehearsed.  While I appreciate--
even adore--the exquisite perfection of "Apple Venus, Volume 1,"
the raw inspiration of "Homespun" is equally impressive.

Jill Oleson
Austin, Texas


End of Chalkhills Digest #5-309

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