Precedence: bulk
Subject: Chalkhills Digest #5-215

         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 5, Number 215

                   Tuesday, 25 May 1999

Today's Topics:

                    Riding the 101...
                     Re: Monty Python
              Okay, trekkies, you found me!
                 Letter to Andy and Colin
                    urgh! A music War!
                       Andy on line
                      King For A Day
                   Modern XTC influence
                       Joan & Andy
                   Monty Python/Bonzos
       Dom... impatience was getting the best of me
                   "Testicular Dinner"
                     Brian Stevens CD
   I Bet You Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition....
                  Suitable Activities...
                    Re: not fade away
               XTC 45s & Costello Bootlegs
          Well, what a lovely country you have.
Embarrassing and Ridiculous Song Stories (XTC, Zappa, ZZ, Diamond and Mecha-


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So we're working every hour that God made.


Date: Sat, 22 May 1999 20:08:21 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Riding the 101...
Message-ID: <>

Hello Chalkhillians,

since Todd [as long as your Chalkhills post has the conversation on a
first name basis... :-)] has "gone public" in answer to my post in issue
#211, I feel the need to answer him in this selfsame forum, at the risk of
cloging up the list with "petty bickering" (since that's unfortunately the
way most Chalkhillians may perceive such inevitably narrowcast posts
intent on clarifying an author's opinion, and arguing, one hopes civilly,
a few more points; I can't say the ennui is not justifiable, though, so
feel free to skip!!!).

>What I dislike is sloppy, undisciplined writing. IMO anyone can say
>anything they want, as long as they back it up with facts or qualify it
>with an "in my opinion" or the like.

I kinda noticed that one of the capital rules of the "Writing 101" course
you advertised seems to be, IMVHO, to sprinkle texts liberally with "IMO"
to blare out that an opinion has been expressed (is this a perverse effect
of a "culture of litigation", that everything has to be spelled out in
neon, to eventually protect one in the court of the righteous?).

You also quote me a few times, for plainly deconstructive purposes, much
as I'd done in my own post, I guess:

>>> I'm sure they've read worse in published forums (i.e.: music
>>criticism, or plain vanilla criticism) than most anyone can spew forth
>>amongst the ranks of the faithful roaming these chalkhills,<

>So, two wrongs make a right?

I'm afraid I'm not of the opinion that criticism of XTC or its music
is a bona-fide "wrong" to begin with, and opinions are hardly the stuff
of mathematics, or logic either, in some cases ("2W = R" ? Excuse me?).

As to what were my self-evidently speculative musings as to Mr.
Partridge's reactions to Chalkhills, were he ever to dwell here, the
interview extract provided by Mr. Culnane has indeed proved how inept,
maybe even inane, such speculation may turn out to be (I might specify
here, though, that my first point was somewhat on the order of "Can he
take it as well as he can dish it out?", and it turns out Mr. Partridge
might be more "thin-skinned" -- as one Chalkhillian put it -- than I
figured he might be; so crucify me).

>>>Well, if Chalkhills' level of discourse is "consistently high", surely
>>there's no need to review its "rules of engagement", be it vehemently or
>>with a Mother Hen compunction to prevent any word from reaching Andy
>>Partridge's critical mind, is there?<

>I've already responded above to the "Mother Hen compunction" issue -- or,
>IMO, the non-issue -- but I don't understand your logic in the point
>above. Are you saying that once something reaches a certain level, you
>don't have to work to keep it there? Do you stop working at a
>relationship once you're happy in it? Once a sports team achieves a
>championships, can it rest on its laurels and take it easy next season?
>Do we have to stop defending freedom of speech because the Constitution
>already guarantees it?

Although my statement might regrettably appear to be of the "if nothing's
wrong, why fix it" variety, I am definitely *not* of the mind that the
so-called "rules of engagement" be cast in concrete, never to be
themselves engaged for evermore. Of course I believe any right has to be
upheld, not simply uttered; I just believe this could be best
achieved through consensual means (i.e.: democratic discussion, working
towards a *collective* interest not too unmindful of individual cases), in
the most respectful manner posible. On both counts, I felt your forceful
and very opinionated invocation of those rules was a bit lacking,
recognition of the right of differing opinion and courtesy not being
qualities very evident in *that* particular post of yours; your reply
addressing me is, pleasantly, on the mellower -- though not spineless,
rest assured -- side, and as such much more efficient, IMVHO.

If this is to continue, Todd, e-mail me privately if you please; I'm sure
we agree that, as you said, regular programming should return here to all
matters more specifically ecstatic...

Sorry for the silly spattering,

Mario Beaulac


Message-Id: <>
From: "Mark Strijbos" <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 00:41:52 +0200
Subject: Re: Monty Python

> > I believe that Monty Python's Flying Circus had a large influence on
> > British and American culture. Elvis Pressley was a big fan of Monty
> > Python (although you would never know it) I've inferred that the Beatles
> > wackiness in later years, must have been inspired by MP.
> >
> > Does anyone out there harbor similar delusions?

Methinks that both MP and Beatles (in particular John!) owed a great
deal to the Goon Show, the legendary British comedy show with (i
think) Peter Cook & Dudley Moore.

yours in xtc,

Mark Strijbos at The Little Lighthouse


Message-ID: <002301bea4c5$2d00eae0$e70eb3d1@oemcomputer>
From: "Aaron Pastula" <>
Subject: Okay, trekkies, you found me!
Date: Sat, 22 May 1999 19:37:16 -0700

>Here is my vote for Andy Partridge - the pseudonym-person - on the digest:

>"Aaron Pastula" <>>
>Wat dcha think?

Want to know what's REALLY scary?  Andy's initials are AJP and MY initials
are...*gasp* -  AJP!!!

Come to think of it, you'll never see the two of us in the same room at the
same we must be one in the same.  Case closed.  Can this thread

Andy Partridge.


Message-ID: <001701bea4c8$909bd9e0$2f3cfad0@unlpm>
From: "Jamie Lowe" <>
Subject: Letter to Andy and Colin
Date: Sat, 22 May 1999 22:00:58 -0500

Dear Chalkhill Comrades:

We do not need another tribute to XTC unless of course it is by Terry and
the Lovemen or possibly the Dukes.  The last installment was a needed dose
of the juice in a time of drought.  It did the trick but was only a taste
when a plateful was required.  Also, fantasizing about the dearly departed
doing a tribute is rubbish!!  Wait till you are in Heaven or Hell and catch
that act if they are up to it.

What we really need is the pure XTC that has brought us all here to begin
with.  There is loads of music by our heroes that has never reached our ears
and should.  With the Virgin Burden lifted let's have it!!  Andy and Colin
and I dare say Dave if you've got an ear to this forum and I am sure you do
let the flood gates open.  The hit you have never really had is hiding in
the archives waiting to chart it just needs release, like a rocket from a
bottle shot free!  You have penned so many exemplary songs, let your fans
enjoy them. Worts and all.

I enjoyed TB and Fossil Fuel,  but it I already had most of it in one form
or another in my extensive XTC library.  The Rag and Bone cover sticker by a
reviewer I saw as I checked out the XTC CD bin (hoping to find something I
did not have) said it all... Even the stuff this band throws out is better
than what most bands hope to produce.  I could not agree more.

AP vol.. 1 was worth the wait, needless to say a very bright spot on the
1999 music scene.  AP vol.. 2 can't come soon enough.  Can we have Rag &
Bone 2 not too far behind as well????

Your Humble Fan,

Jamie Lowe

P.S.   Andy if you are listening here is a glass of Chateauneuf-du -Pape to
you!  Cheers.


Date: Sat, 22 May 1999 23:42:15 -0500 (CDT)
From: Andrea Lynn Rossillon <>
Subject: urgh! A music War!
Message-ID: <>

In a random chance of fate, I saw the Copeland brothers' _Urgh! A Music
War!_ tonight.  Wow--live XTC, "Respectable street."  Not the song I would
have chosen to watch, but it was live XTC, and so my compaints are
tempered with just joy of seeing Andy and the boys perform.  Bloody
wonderful.  Also on it were Echo and the B-men, Gary Numan (in a
disturbing performance--I suppose it succeeded then,) and lots of others,
with the police bookending the film.




Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 08:58:30 EDT
Subject: Andy on line

 This is what Colin meant when he said  "Too many XTC fans dont have
girlfriends or boyfriends"
 He & Andy completely knock this web site on the World Cafe
interview. Theyre almost embarassed.
  Andys best quote:  "People will come up to me and say " (in a nerdy
voice) Ive got your demos for three albums from now!"  But I havent even
written them. "Yeah, but I got 'em!"
That man is goddamn funny.
     Im done.  Roger


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 16:55:00 +0100
From: B Blanchard <>
Subject: King For A Day

A little thought about some of the XTC videos I was watching

The director of the video for KING FOR A DAY was one Tony Kaye
who made loads of commercials in UK.  His feature film debut
AMERICA HISTORY X starring Edward Norton came out last year and
he tried to get his name off it because of various problems which
you probably read about.  Anyway, from XTC to AHX in ten years.

The video for The Mayor of Simpleton was directed, according to
the two versions I have, by one Ian Absentia which I am not sure
is a real name (excuse my naivete if I am wrong, and please
correct me if that is the case) as the entire vid, which is
brilliant and so funny (I mean, Dave and Andy SMILING at each
other) credits Terry the Fish and Barry The Car so I am not sure
what is real.  One of the versions I have has the Girl From
Simpleton, an Emma Peel type, tied up at the end with Andy towing
over her. I mean please!  (No, really, I mean PLEASE!!!!!) and
THAT wasn't the version they showed on kids TV!

Nicholas Brandt directed both vids for Grass and (the three times
MTV nominated) Dear God.  I believe he is doing stuff in
California now. Anyone any ideas? He certainly liked his reverse
film tricks didn't he.  Not keen on Grass but Dear God was simple
and clever.

Roger H. Lyons directed All You Pretty Girls.  Another of my
faves it was a goddam full MGM Production number.  It had quite
possibly the biggest cast for any of XTC's videos and AP played
about four roles and as I have said here before, he is a natural
actor.  So, anyone know what Roger H. Lyons went on to do?
Please enlighten us.

Pete Sinclair did Mole From The Ministry as well as a few others
of theirs, and I see his name around alot currently and, again,
forgive my ignorance, but please someone enlighten us as to what
he is currently doing.

OK that's it for now.


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 08:59:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jennifer Linnea Strom <>
Subject: Modern XTC influence


Listening to Guided By Voices right now, in my opinion, one of the
more XTC influenced bands out there (Who, oddly enough, have recently
signed with TVT). Wondering if any of you can come up with what you
feel are the best examples of XTC's influence on other bands
(particularly those still recording); the bands who have really
captured the spirit of XTC for you. For me, it's Guided By Voices.
While they are definitely a heavier band with their own very
distinctive style, they have they the same infectious quirky pop sound
that I have always loved about XTC, as well as a history of making
some very adventurous and experimental music.

A few additions to the already extensive XTC covers list:

Complicated Game - The Replacements (at their most drunk and surly)
Books Are Burning - Johnny Cash (if he can cover Beck and Soundgarden,
why not XTC?)
Dying - Emmylou Harris
Respectable Street - Husker Du


Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker
will be sorry.
-- Mark Twain


Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 12:26:11 EDT
Subject: Joan & Andy

>Also, amazingly, an XTC question - someone told me recently that Andy
>Partridge played on one of Joan Armatrading's albums. Is this true? If so,
>which one, and how did this come about?

  Andy plays guitar on 1981's Walk Under Ladders, on "Eating The Bear," IMO
one of the highlights of the album. I've been a moderate-to-huge fan of
hers since some time in the late 70's when I discovered her self-titled
album in my brother's collection, one of the times I discovered someone
musically through him(we were always one-upping each other, without
admitting it.).  Others included Richard Thompson and Arthur Brown and
10cc, all of whom I still enjoy, while he's moved onto even more esoteric
stuff. He's never gotten into XTC because he finds them too
commercial. He'd probably love Jules Verne's Sketchbook, that's about his
speed. Anyway, Walk Under Ladders was produced by Steve Lillywhite, as was
Drums And Wires and Black Sea, as we know, so therein lies the connection,
producer ropes in as session musicians others he's produced, including
members of Peter Gabriel's short list of favorite musicians(Tony Levin,
Jerry Marrotta), the Tom Robinson Band(though Lillywhite produced a
subsequent Robinson effort, Sector 27, rather than the TRB), plus Thomas
Dolby and Gary Sanford of Joe Jackson's band(and recently unemployed due to
Joe deciding to be Britain's Billy Joel). Quite a stellar cast, as well as
Mel Collins on sax and Ray Cooper of Elton John's band on percussion. And
looking very relaxed, Adolf Hitler on vibes! Nice, Adolf...No, no,no,no.

  Anyway, Joan's one of the most original and daring songwriters out there;
when you're a Caribean right-wing lesbian(she's never said so and she makes
us all wonder with all the gender-bending in her songs, but I got my
gaydar), you already are original even if you don't write or sing a note.



Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 12:26:16 EDT
Subject: Monty Python/Bonzos

>I believe that Monty Python's Flying Circus had a large influence on
>British and American culture. Elvis Pressley was a big fan of Monty Python
>(although you would never know it) I've inferred that the Beatles wackiness
>in later years, must have been inspired by MP.

>Does anyone out there harbor similar delusions?

  Well, not quite; Monty Python's Flying Circus didn't start airing until
1970, the year the Beatles broke up. You're close, though; they did have a
close association with the Bonzo Dog Band, which included future Monty
Python musical director Neil Innes, who was responsible for much of MP's
wacky songs(those not written and sung by Eric Idle were written and sung
by him, or in collaboration with Idle; both also were responsible for The
Rutles).  The Bonzos can be seen performing their rockabilly piss-take
"Death Cab For Cutie" on Magical Mystery Tour, and Paul McCartney produced
their single "I'm The Urban Spaceman" under the pseudonym Apollo
C. Vermouth. I'm convinced The Beatles dalliances with the mind-warped
shenanigans of Viv Stanshall were mostly if not entirely responsible for
Yellow Submarine, "I Am The Walrus," and anything else of their later
period that was decidedly wigged out. George was a huge Monty Python fan
right from the get-go, though, even produced The Life Of Brian. Great that
the supposedly serious Beatle is secretly a raving loony who used to go
around reciting entire Monty Python scripts in his spare time. He'd go up
to people and say "Wensleydale?"(I'd have gone for Albatross! myself.)You
may or may not notice, on his otherwise uneven 1975 album Extra Texture, if
you scrutinise the Sanskrit-style script underneath his photo that makes
him out to be some sort of Indian guru type(and makes you think Oh God,
what egotism), it actually says OhNoNotHimAgain. I never noticed this until
he pointed it out in an interview once.



Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 10:19:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: nross <>
Subject: Dom... impatience was getting the best of me

Regarding your "Scream for me, Swindon!" post (correct title?)

Finally, I was beginning to wonder if you were suffering from
a sort of writing-impotence.

I was fully prepared with writing "methinks Dom considers Stryper
good heavy metal".  I had been informed that your post was on its way...
so I restrained myself!!!

Interesting, and not all that surprising, choices. Thanks for answering,
Dom... People should take Dom up on his suggestions, and try a listen
to one of the bands he listed, give your ears something new before
AV2 comes out!!!

I should take that advice... but I keep going backwards... I've
been bombarding myself with The Kinks and The Beatles (shock me!) for
the past two days. I know, these are two well-accepted bands as
far as the list is concerned... but not my usual choice under
stressful situations (and currently, I am very stressed).

I have one XTC related question: How is (did) the greenman video
going (go)? Anyone out there know? I rarely watch MTV now... so I
hope we will be informed as to when the video MAY appear...

A coworker recently saw an AV1 commercial on VH-1. I have yet to spot it
Damn it! I don't understand why I'd get so hyped about seeing it...
but I would. My husband, rightly, thinks I'm insane!!!

-Well that's enough of barely anything relevant...

Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker
will be sorry.
-- Mark Twain


Message-ID: <>
From: "Daniel Wrzesinski" <>
Subject: "Testicular Dinner"
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 13:58:19 PDT

My dream tribute album.  Some of these bands aren't necessarily favs of
mine, though I like them all.  Some of them don't even exist anymore, but
they could come back for a tribute, right?  I think each band is best
suited for the song given.  What do you all think?

1) Ben Folds Five-"Real By Reel"
2) Roby Hitchcock-"King For A Day"
3) King Missle-"Your Gold Dress"
4) The Pogues-"The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead"
5) PRIMUS - "Roads Girdle the Globe"
6) The Residents- "Deliver Us From the Elements"
7) Oingo Boingo-"Poor Skeleton Steps Out"
8) Lisa Gerrard and Loreena McKennitt -"Greenman"
9) Moxy Fruvous - "The Meeting Place"
10) The Tragically Hip - "Another Satellite"

11) Shreikback - "My Weapon"
12) Beastie Boys-"Respectable Street"/"Melt The Guns"
13) Tripping Daisy - "What in the World...?"
14)  Barenaked Ladies - "Mayor Of Simpleton"
15) Skankin' Pickle - "She's So Square"
16) Henry Rollins - "No Thugs In Our House"
17) Nine Inch Nails - "Heaven Is Paved With Broken Glass"
18) Devo (with STOMP) - "Shake You Donkey Up"


Message-Id: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 16:22:57 -0600
From: Phil Corless <>
Subject: Brian Stevens CD

If anyone's still looking for Brian Stevens' 1996 CD
"Prettier Than You" (with Dave Gregory playing guitar
on most of the tracks)..... I've got a copy up for auction
on eBay.

P.S. New Chalkhills T-shirt Design on its way in a few months!


Message-Id: <>
Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 12:05:49 +1000
Subject: I Bet You Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition....

>From: Jennifer Linnea Strom <>
>Subject: Re: Monty Python: consensual relations
>>"Steve Oleson" wrote:
> I believe that Monty Python's Flying Circus had a large influence on
> British and American culture. Elvis Pressley was a big fan of Monty Python
> (although you would never know it) I've inferred that the Beatles wackiness
> in later years, must have been inspired by MP.
> Does anyone out there harbor similar delusions?
>>Hell yes!

Call me a sad no-life trainspotter if you will (he said, leaving himself
wide open), but Monty Python's Flying Circus aired in Britain for the first
time in October, 1969 - only six months before the Beatles broke up. I
think any influence MP had on the Beatles would have been minimal at best.

>>I believe Ringo made a brief appearance on the series.

He certainly did, in the same sketch as Lulu (!).

....and yes, as a matter of fact, I *do* have a lot of time on my hands.

Anally yours,

XTC Content : Is there any truth to the rumour that Dave Gregory played The
Gimp in "Pulp Fiction"?


Message-ID: <>
From: "Andrew Gowans" <>
Subject: Suitable Activities...
Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 13:08:33 EST

Ben Gott said in V5 #213
"I've been listening to "White Music" lately, and it's really growing on
me. Has this happened to anyone else?"

Ben, may I suggest a vinylrinoplasty or perhaps digitalextraction,
depending on the format that is "growing on you" (yuk yuk).

Sorry, puns are the lowest form of humour but I love 'em.

I haven't been listening to "WM" lately (all my vinyl is in the back shed
"vault"), but I have been listening to the CD "Explode Together" whilst
washing the dishes after dinner.

There is no irony intended in this revelation, wash-up time is the only
point in my day when I get to listen to my fav music, desktop music at work
being little more than background.

Anyway, cutting to the point (ouch!), a new thread (Oh No!) could be citing
activities that XTC music inspires in you, or perhaps XTC music you feel
complements certain activities.

I know this could lead to some embarrassing disclosures, however I trust
your collective discretion.

My 11 cents worth (10c + 10% GST) is The Rotary from the CD mentioned
earlier and the activity it inspiresin me is to whirl dervish-like around
the kitchen banging a pot with the potato masher and singing along with
AP(until such time as my young lady makes me lie down and take my

If this call for a new-improved thread of XTC discussion inspires the
torpidity of response that I anticipate I shall happily continue making
these inane posts anyway, so there ;-]~ (my impression of a tongue-sticking
out ideogram).

Oh, and Don Rogalski I found your observations on Jackson Pollack quite
intriguing, you claim that you wouldn't stoop to defending critics....does
this include yourself? I read somewhere that Pollack's work sometimes
includes traces of his own blood and urine, so it is interesting that 40
years on his work still pisses people off. Anyway that's my opinion for
what it is worth (@$1.68 for a can of worms ~ incl. GST).

"The problem with the rat rate is that if you win you're still a rat" -
Lily Tomlin

Chow for now (I'm about to have lunch - cheers Cousin Roger!)

The Rat


Message-Id: <v01540b01b36e91c3c2e1@[]>
Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 17:20:48 +1200
From: (James Dignan)
Subject: Re: not fade away

>And James Dignan said: >oh, and to all pagan babies out there :) I send the
>following blessing in the name of the four elements, courtesy of B. Andrews
>& co - "May the fire be your friend and the sea rock you gently, may the
>moon light your way till the wind sets you free". Yup, it ain't just
>A. Partridge that writes pagan lyrics!<
>I probably won't be the only one to point this out, but Barry's only
>batting .750 on this one, since the third element should be earth, not moon
>(unless, of course, you consider that the moon was probably part of the
>Earth long, long ago...)

well that's true, but many pagans regard 'earth' as meaning any solid
matter. Basically earth, air, fire, water converts quite nicely to solid,
gas, plasma and liquid...



Message-ID: <>
From: "jonathan monnickendam" <>
Subject: XTC 45s & Costello Bootlegs
Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 03:14:04 PDT

IN Whitecross St, just north of the City of Londinium, is a street market
and at the north end is a second record shop with a huge quantitiy of vinyl
(but no CDs. In amongst is a stack of XTC 7" 45s, often picture sleeves,
from the hit years at reasonable prices. There is also a D&W with the lyric

The guy who runs it is an Arsenal fan and was feeling not quite as unhappy
as he had been earlier in the week as he had found some quad LPS by Ten
Years After. I left at that point.

He also had some 77/8 era Costello bootlegs and if anyone has advice on
what is good/bad i'd appreciate it -

shaken not stirred
kornophone radio hour
hate you live
last foxtrot
armed and dnagerous

As for art -
Jackson Pollock
is not
the dogs bollox

Briget Riley
(Her best work reminds me of Moby Grape's Omaha)



Message-ID: <0325F31466C9D111A76D00A0C99DD2691BE843@MSXCHNY2>
Subject: Well, what a lovely country you have.
Date: Mon, 24 May 1999 10:10:39 -0400

Just a quick post about my trip to England and Wales.

London was just great! I think we must have walked everywhere just taking
it all in. Only managed to get into one record store-Tower in Piccadilly,
which is just as annoying as the ones here in NYC. The pop music there can
be quite different from here and some albums you just can't get here or
they're just too damn expensive. So I brought a list of CDs to buy from all
the suggestions I picked up here at Chalkhills and I'm quite happy with my
what I got. Chalkhills remains the best place to find out about good music.

Stopped off to see the Uffington Chalk Horse in the pouring rain before
going on to Wales. There is a small hotel/restaurant/bar at a crossroads
just down the the hill a bit where we had a great lunch and pints. Anybody
know about this place? White Horse Tavern, I think. They've got a horrible
painting of the horse over the fireplace.

Wales was magnificent. We took five days driving all the way up to
Snowdonia and back. My God! The Sheep!

One question though: What's the difference between "Thank you", "Ta" and
"Cheers"? Everyone was so nice there. At one point I asked my wife if I
should say "Ta" or "Cheers" and she said: "You're an American. You don't
say anything." It's true. Coming from evil New York and dropping myself
into a country of smiling faces saying "Cheers" was one hell of a jolt. And
a wonderful jolt at that.

Can't wait to get back.



Message-ID: <>
Date: Sun, 23 May 1999 23:42:16 -0700
From: Herne <>
Subject: Embarrassing and Ridiculous Song Stories (XTC, Zappa, ZZ, Diamond and Mecha-Streisand)

Okay folks.  The results are in on the Embarrassing and Ridiculous Song

The winners: #1)Tom Griffin #2)Barbara Petersen #3)Chris Wisniewski

Now the answers and stories to go with them.  READ FOR FUN and
SORROW...especially when you get to the embarrassing stuff.  "SHOCKING"
revelations there

> PART ONE:  Ridiculous songs
> Song # 1
> I think Im getting fat.
> Im getting fatter.  I absorb more.
> Im like a sponge retaining meat fluid.
> Meat fluid!

Bigger Ass by Alice Donut.  Alice Donut is sort of a goofy version of
Soundgarden...assuming anyone took Soundgarden seriously at all.

> Song #2
> My Little Dog spot got hit by a car
> Hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba
> I put his guts in a box and I put him in a drawer
> Hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba

Happy Boy by the Beat Farmers with lead singing by the late, GREAT Country
Dick Montana.  The Beat Farmers were sort of a goofy (again with the goofy)
version of the Blasters or Lone Justice.  One of the last gasps of the L.A.
roots rock movement.  Country Dick only sang on a few songs.  Mostly the
sillier ones.  Sadly their first album is out of print.  But Happy Boy is on
a Dr. Demento disc.

> Song #3
> They have just discovered an important note from space
> the Martians plan to throw a dance for all the human race.

The Martian Hop!  by the Ran-dells.  Nothing like that wacky 50's-early
sixties spaceman stuff.  Burt Bacharach(!)'s theme from the BLOB is also

> Song #4
> Im a big pirate and I like to steal
> Hes a big pirate and he likes to steal
> I like to steal and I like to kill!!!
> Im a Barbie Doll but Ive got brains
> Shes a Barbie doll but shes got brains
> Lots of brains and I like sex

Speed Racer by Devo.  Ridiculous even for them.

> Song #5
> My house smells just like the zoo
> Its piled full of shit and puke
> Cockroaches on the walls
> Crabs crawling on my balls
> Oh but Im so clean cut.  I just want to fuck some slut

I Love Living In the City by Fear.  Raising profanity in punk rock to a new
high at the time of it's release.  Funny shit.

> Song #6
> In the deserts of Sudan
> And the gardens of Japan
> >From Milan to Yucatan
> Every womans every man

Got some grief for putting this one here.  HIT ME WITH YOUR RHYTHM STICK by
Ian Dury.  It's nutty but I love it.

> Song #7
> You'll see my teeth in the stars above.
> Every tree a finger of my glove
> And every time push comes to shove
> You'll see my teeth in the stars above.

YOU'LL MISS ME by They Might Be Giants.  A song disliked by many in the TMBG
camp.  It's sort of like the Smartest Monkees of the TMBG realm.
Technically "Shoehorn With Teeth" is their "Most Dumbest" but I put this one
here instead.

> Song #8
> You thought the leaden winter would bring you down forever
> But you rode upon a steamer to the violence of the sun
> And the colors of the sea find your eyes with trembling mermaids

TALES OF GREAT ULYSSES by Cream.  Dunks gave me on-list grief for this
choice.  Look I LOVE Cream but come on...It's no Jason and the Argonauts.  A
Dukes of the Stratosphear song before there was a Dukes.

> Song #9
> Tv dinner by the pool
> Watch your brother grow a beard
> Got another year of school
> Its okay hes too weird.
> Be a plumber  Hes a bummer
> Hes a bummer every summer
> Be a loyal plastic robot for a world that doesnt care
> Smile at every ugly
> Shine up your shoes and cut your hair.

BROWN SHOES DON'T MAKE IT by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.  Got
grief for this one too.  Granted it is satire and most of Zappa's stuff
is... but this one always stands out in my mind.  I remember being shocked
at age 12 by passages about covering naked 13 year old girls with chocolate
syrup and licking them till the cows come home.  But my cousins and I
couldn't stop laughing either.  So here it is.

> Song #10
> Shes a squeaking head on a pleasure box
> and the boys dont understand
> It took the holy roman empire
> just to get you by my side
> and Im going to be more careful with you
> arent I?

SUPERMAN by Robyn Hitchcock.  Again a dubious entry and Balloon Man is
probably sillier to me but this one always sticks out in my mind.  The first
time I ever heard it was when I saw Hitchcock back up REM on the Green Tour
10(!!!!) years ago.  I was like "What the f*** is this???"  I became a fan
at that moment.

> Song #10
> When I came back home
> Everyone had left
> Messages on my machine
> I felt very clean
> I felt very clean

Oops...two number tens.  Oh Well.  " The New Clean Song" by Crispin
"Hellion" Glover.Yes the Back to the Future freak.  His "album" has to be
heard to be believed.  His butchering of "These Boots Were Made For Walkin'"
alone makes it worth the price of admission.  Then again, maybe not.

> Song #11
> I want a backseat
> Because I'm a deadbeat
> I'm respirating
> Two souls of the alien.

Now folks...this is an XTC list and not too many people got this one.
LOOKING FOR FOOTPRINTS by XTC.  Looks like we all need to brush up on our
Rag and Bone Buffet.

Okay.  Now here's where the real fun begins.  Songs I am embarrassed to
admit are/were a part of my musical life.  Hold on to your hats.  Dangerous
Stuff Ahead...

> PART TWO:The Embarrassing Songs
> Song #1
> I get home at five oclock
> And I take myself out a nice, cold beer
> Always seem to be wonderin
> Why theres nothin goin down here

WORKING MAN by Rush.  I love this song but it's tough to admit it.  Rush was
even embarrassing back when classic rock ruled the airwaves.  I don't know
why.  This song is my favorite of theirs.  Great guitar work.  And for the
record...I don't care for Tom Sawyer.  Or do I?

> Song #2
> Do you remember when we used to dance?
> And incidents arose from circumstance
> One thing led to another, we were young
> And we would scream together songs unsung

HEAT OF THE MOMENT by Asia.  Asia!!!!  Where is my defense of Asia?  How to
do I cop to this?  Watered down  80's Yes splinter.  But oh so catchy.

> Song #3
> Youre wondering who I am
> Machine or mannequin
> With parts made in Japan
> I am the mod-ren man!
> Ive got a secret
> Ive been hiding under my skin

MR. ROBOTO by Styx of course.  Who hasn't been forced to surrender at some
point to this song's power?  An ill conceived entry from Styx's attempt at
Rock opera.  But just try getting it out of your head or sub-conscious.
It's like radiation.  There is no cure!

> Song #4
> Maybe tonight,
> Maybe tonight, you and I
> All alone by the fire
> Nothing around
> But the sound of my heart and your sighs
> Money talks
> but it cant sing and dance and it cant walk
> as long as I can have you here with me
> Id much rather be

FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS by Neil Diamond.  I grew up listening to my parents'
records and they had all of his.  I kind of like Neil up until the ghastly
Heartlight period.  I saw him live once.  He sold out the LA Forum for eight
straight days.  Me, a friend and 17,000 50 year old woman watched a rotating
stage rotate for an unbelievable 4 HOURS.  What a show.

> Song #5
> Ill be you didnt expect
> This time hes gone for good
> Hell never come back now.
> Even though he said he would.
> So darlin dry your eyes.
> So many other guys
> would give the world Im sure
> To wear the shoes he wore.

SMILE A LITTLE SMILE FOR ME by the Flying Machine.  Boy there's just no
resisting this sappy pop entry.  Not for me anyway.

> Song #6
> Lonely man cries for love and has none.
> Senior citizens wish they were young
> Cold hearted orb rules the night
> removes the colors from our sight.
> But only we know which is right
> and which is an illusion

NIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN by the Moody Blues.  Technically after the song I
guess.  A weird fugue which freaked me out as a child,  Depressed me as a
teen, and now just makes me laugh.

> Song #7
> Im on the ride and I wanna get off but they wont slow down the
> roundabout
> So why dont you use it
> Try not to bruise it
> Buy time dont lose it.

THE REFLEX by Duran Duran of course.  Preferably the remix video version
where they go Why-eye-eye...why, why, why-eye-eye...WHUH!

> Song #8
> I was cutting a rug
> down at a place called the Jug
> with a girl named Linda Lu
> When in walked a man with a gun in his hand
> and he was looking for you know who
> He said hey there fellow
> with your hair colored yellow
> Watcha trying to prove
> Cause thats my woman there
> And Im a man who cares
> And this might be all for you

Gimme Three Steps by Lynyrd Skynyrd.  Any admission of fondness for Southern
Rock is risky these days but sometimes you've just gotta go there.

> Song #9
> Sisters of the way bide their time in quiet peace,
> Await their place within the ring of calm;
> Still stand to turn in seconds of release,
> Await the call they know may never come.
> In times of lightness no intruder dared upon
> To jeopardize the truth, upset the run;
> And all was joy and hands were raised towards the sun
> As love in the halls of plenty overrun.

CAROUSELAMBRA by Led Zeppelin.  I've always liked this song even though part
of me thinks it's utter garbage.  The last croak of a bloated dinosaur past
it's prime.  I was raised to rebel against classic rock but Zep rules so
what can you do?

> Song #10
> In a little while from now
> Im not feeling any less sour
> I promise myself to feed myself and visit a nearby tower.

ALONE AGAIN NATURALLY by Gilbert O'Sullivan.  Sappy for sure.  But has a
strange power to choke you up nonetheless if you're tired after a long day.

> Song #11
> Uncle Ernie
> Auntie Gin
> Open the door

LET EM IN by Paul McCartney and Wings.  Foreshadowing his musical doom that
wouldn't arrive until Ebony and Ivory.  But I have a real fondness for a lot
of Wings Stuff.  Especially "Junior's Farm".

> Song #12
> Dont say words youre going to regret
> Dont let the fire rush to your head
> Ive heard the accusation before
> and I aint gonna take any more, believe me
> the sun in your eyes makes some of your lies worth believing.

EYE IN THE SKY by Alan Parson's Project.  This album came out my senior year
in high school.  A girl I was in love with at the time sang another song
from this album at a graduation festivity.  Brings back memories.  Almost
makes me forget how much I hated 12th grade.

> Song #13
> Im  told its my duty to fight against the law
> that wizardry is my trade and I was born to wade through gore
> I just wanna be a lover, not a red eyed screaming ghoul
> I wish it picked another to be its killing tool!!!

Whew.  BLACK BLADE by Blue Oyster Cult. After a brief flirtation with pop
metal sans fantasy(Mirrors) BOC returns to what they love...singing about
evil swords and giant monsters roaming the world.  I had the honor of seeing
them at a club in Rhode Island some years back.  They still rock.  And they
play BLACK BLADE.  Three cheers for Cultasaurus Erectus!

> Song #14
> I think Ill go for a Walk Outside, now
> the summer suns calling my name
> I hear you now
> I just cant stay inside all day
> I gotta get out
> get me some of those rays!

IT'S A SUNSHINE DAY by the Brady Bunch.  One of their few tolerable
recordings and a nice little bubble gum classic.  If you grew up when I did,
you can not escape the Bradys' power.

> Song #15
> What in the worlds come over me?
> I  aint got a chance of 1 in 3
> Aint got no rap, aint got no line
> but if youll give me just a minute Ill be feeling fine.
> I am the one who can take the heat
> the one they all say just cant be beat
> Ill shoot it to you straight
> and look you in the eye
> so give me just a minute and Ill tell you why.

ROUGH BOY by ZZ TOP.  You can probably come up with some
justification for liking ZZ TOP.  If I wasn't tired, I'd spend more time to
do it.  But it's really tough to stand proud and tall and say  "I Like Rough
Boy!"  Rough Boy is from the zenith/nadir of ZZ's synth/pop/blues phase.
Post Sleeping Bag and Beyond the PLANET OF WOMEN.  I saw them live a few
years ago.  Me and 16,000 shit kickers watched them frolic with scantily
clad women who pretend played neon saxophones.  When they got to Rough Boy,
the lighters lit up.  For a moment I knew what it was like to be a teenager
in 1973.  If I only had a lighter.

> Song #16
> It used to be so natural
> talk about forever
> but "used to bes" dont count anymore
> they just lay on the floor till we sweep them away.
> And baby, I remember
> All the things you taught me
> I learned how to laugh and I learned how to cry
> Well I learned how to love, even learned how to lie
> Youd think I could learn
> How to tell me goodbye.

YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE by Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand.
I've never truly understood the power of La Barbara.  A woman whose 1994 New
Years Eve show started the catastrophic concert ticket prices we now live
with.  Gay people I worked with played Back to Broadway 2 every morning full
blast for months.  Occasionally there is something in her voice somewhere
that strikes a familiar emotional chord.  Her odd rendition of Jingle Bells
always takes me back to childhood.  Her re-interpretation of Sondheim's MOVE
ON and WE DO NOT BELONG TOGETHER proved strangely moving during a dark
period.  Mostly though...she is just annoying.  Her skewering on South Park
was well deserved.

As for You Don't Bring Me Flowers, there's something about this song.  Kevin
Smith's Silent Bob in Chasing Amy went on about how it hit even him where it
hurts.  I don't know why the sadness of this one hit at even a very young
age...long before I cared enough about girls to let them f*** with my
emotions.  I guess that I just really hate to say goodbye.  I think part of
me misses almost everyone I've ever known.   Sob.  I need to be alone!!!

> BONUS ROUND:MUSICALS---Both Embarrassing and Ridiculous depending on your
> point of view.

> Song#1
> In ev'ry job that must be done
> There is an element of fun
> You find the fun and snap!
> The job's a game
> And ev'ry task you undertake
> Becomes a piece of cake
> A lark! A spree!  It's very clear
> to see...

SPOONFUL OF SUGAR from Mary Poppins.  I just met the legendary Sherman
Brothers at a book signing today.  It was a "meeting Andy" type level
experience for me.  All the songs they wrote.  Simply  amazing.  More about
that in a later post to come about Andy Partridge and Disney.

> Song #2
> Girls your fine ointment
> Brand new and expensive
> Should have been used for the poor
> People who are hungry
> people who are starving.
> Matter more than your feet and hair.

EVERYTHING'S ALL  RIGHT from Jesus Christ Superstar.  One of the few, if not
the only, Webber thing I like.

> Song #3
> I feel like a nun in a cloister
> Solitary, celibate, I hate it
> I feel like a Monk in abbey
> Ditto, ditto, I hate it.

YOURS, YOURS, YOURS from 1776.  Back when letters were the only way to keep
in touch with far away loved ones, a lonely and frustrated Adams sings to
his wife back in Massachusetts.  Incidentally 1776 is one of the greatest
Musical films ever.  SEE IT.  It also contains fascinating history in the
lengthy non-musical sequences.

> Song #4
> A law was mad a distant morn ago here.
> July and August cannot be too hot
> And theres a legal limit to the snow here in.

CAMELOT from CAMELOT.  Of course.

> Song#5
> Welcome sulfer dioxide
> Hello carbon monoxide
> the air, the air
> is everywhere.
> Breathe deep while you sleep
> Breathe deep.

THE AIR from HAIR.  Cough cough.

There you go.  Congrats to the winners.  To everybody else...thanks for
playing and reading along.  Now back to our regularly scheduled program.


now playing: Yes Story: A Greatest Hits by Yes
                    Space 1999: Year One soundtrack
                    Pizzicato 5
                    The Wellwater Conspiracy


End of Chalkhills Digest #5-215

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