Precedence: bulk
Subject: Chalkhills Digest #5-187

         Chalkhills Digest, Volume 5, Number 187

                 Thursday, 29 April 1999

Today's Topics:

        Whine and cheese [was: Am I the Only One?]
                  Green-lanis Moris-Day
              RS - the mag and air time :-)
                     Be Bop a Boingo
                      Little Graham
                Baby You Can Drive My Car
                  Re: motorway turnpike
        We all wish we got advance CDs this early
                        British TV
               While perusing at Borders...
          finally... that perfect funeral music
                   Reeves and Mortimer
                 Stephen Duffy / Madness
                      Re: British TV
                 So, Mitch touts Gangway
            Tedious Muso Questions, I'm afraid
                   Buying CDs in the UK
                       There there!


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    Chalkhills is compiled with Digest 3.7 (John Relph <>).

The Peanut Butter Conspiracy is spreading.


Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 13:23:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Desmond <>
Subject: Whine and cheese [was: Am I the Only One?]

I quote some whiney whimp as saying:
>I'm afraid of listening to AV1 because I might hate it.

Buck up, there, Private! Put the disc on and take it like a man!

>Suddenly, President Kill sends vomit juices squirting up the back of
my throat.

Ugh...there goes MY appetite...

>I frantically paced the room sampling songs from AV1 and decided to put
>it down for a couple of weeks until I could do something, like go on
>vacation and digest it in full, several of times - before I could come
>to a rational conclusion.
>My expectations are too much.  I anxiously await the more electrified
>AV2. But I'm sad to think that this is the last hurrah for my favorite
>band. I don't want them to stop.  I want Terry and Dave back in the
>band and I want Black Sea 2.  This will never happen.
>Oh boo-fucking-hoo.

Your musical angst has grown tiresome. Terry and Dave are gone, AV1 is
an incredible piece of work, and I have no sympathy for you. Get over
it, and get a life.



Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 13:48:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Desmond <>
Subject: Green-lanis Moris-Day

Derek pleaded, regarding Green Day and Alanis M.:
>Now, I don't expect to really convert any of you, but as XTC fans, I
>can assume that you'll all take thoughtful commentary on these artists
>under advisement before completely dismissing them as sucking hefty
>moose dung.

Dear Derek,

 After taking your thoughtful commentary on Green Day and Alanis
Morissette under advisement, we regret to inform you that we have no
choice but to completely dismiss them as sucking hefty moose dung.

Yours truly,



Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 13:52:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: nross <>
Subject: RS - the mag and air time :-)

In response to:

From: "Duncan Kimball" <>
Subject: Laugh? I nearly did ...
Date: Mon, 26 Apr 1999 23:57:59 PDT

in comment to my:

>"Anyway... if you like Rolling Stone (the magazine)... then I think I
>can safely say the pairing of Stones vs. Beatles is not so odd...
>but one of which is the Stones against the Beatles... I believe the
>Beatles are wooping Jagger's bum... something like 75% to 25%."

he/you said:

>Jagger's bum? What a scary image that is ...<

Ever see the Dancing In the Streets video with Jagger and Bowie?
Neither of them should show off their bums, in my opinion.
Not much to see.

and... to continue, you said:

>Rolling Stone is such a load of old cobblers. I stopped buying it
about 10 years ago, and moronic features like this do nothing to
dissuade me from the virtue of that decision. Stop wasting your money
and start subscribing to Mojo.<

yeah yeah yeah. Actually, I don't read the magazine, thank you very
much! I don't know if I'd like it or hate it, I just don't read it.
It was off the web I saw the vote thing for RS... I entered a contest
and now they send me stuff every once and a while.  God! The only
magazines I read anymore are Child and Working Mother. My life, what can
I say! :-)

Occasionally, though, in that Rolling Stone thing they send me, they
mention XTC. So, its not a total waste! By the way... I know people
have asked... but I never saw the answer... When is Andy supposed
to be on Space Ghost (when does it air, rather)??????????????????

-Thats all, Nicole


Message-ID: <005101be91bc$92e34680$>
From: "Victor Rocha" <>
Subject: Be Bop a Boingo
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 14:17:51 -0700

Let's ChalkTalk, My friend, Johnny "Vatos" Hernadez; drummer for Oingo
Boingo, told me they opened up for XTC in the early 80's. I bet that was a
great gig, does anyone remember it? Victor Rocha


Message-Id: <>
From: "Mark Strijbos" <>
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 00:20:05 +0200
Subject: Little Graham

Dear Chalkers,

Some threads die hard:

> No!  My god!  Do you have blue prints of Graham's
> house?

No, even better! A full 3d Autocad model was used as "sleeve" for a
very limited edition remix of the song on a square 12" concrete tile.
Only five copies were made in this extraordinary format and sadly
only two of those have survived. They were re-discovered in 1992,
inside Terry's old bassdrum where they had apparently been used
as ballast! One of them recently came up for auction and no, my
copy is not for sale...

> What I want to know is where is he sleeping
> during this whole ordeal?  Why didn't he wake up!?
it's right there in the song: he's got a bleedin' hangover, he's feeling
miserable so he doesn't really want to come out of bed.
And he's real tired too, after kicking all those Asians.

> Why?!  Couldn't he hear through those thin walls?!
Let's suppose i'm Graham and i hear a policeman downstairs in the
kitchen ask about me... i've got a hangover, a couple of bruised fists
and some nasty little pamphlets in me bottom drawer.
Question is: do i want to see that nice 'boy in blue' now or do i pull
the covers over my head and dream some more about my brave
new world

yours in xtc,

Mark Strijbos at The Little Lighthouse


Message-Id: <>
From: "Mark Strijbos" <>
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 00:20:05 +0200
Subject: Baby You Can Drive My Car

Dear Chalkers,

Jeff Thomas suspects drug abuse amongst Swindon town planners:

> Hey, I may not be familiar with the names of the infamous roundabouts in
> Britain, but that thing in *Swindon*
also known as the Magic Roundabout, in reference to the legendary,
slightly psychedelic BBC puppet show of the same name.

> - about 6 "painted" roundabouts within one "structural" one -- has
> got to be one of the weirdest experiences I ever had in my driving
> life.
and let me assure you that it is just as weird from the passenger

> I looked, pondered, and then just *drove straight across that sucker*
Well, according to my local chauffeuse that is exactly the way you
should navigate it! And we passed it a couple of times without
getting booked or bumped so i guess she must be right... :)

(ouch! please don't hit me again dear; i was only joking... look, i
even put in a smiley!)

BTW - to add a little XTC content : Colin has always flatly denied that
his English Roundabout was inspired or even 'triggered' by the
infamous Swindon roundabout. Not even the peculiar rhythm ( 3/6 or
4/6? i dunno.. i'm not a muso)

And just as Congress is getting ready to throw another bunch of
Christians before the lions i leave you with a sobering thought:

Children will want them, mothers supply them,
as long as your  killers are heroes.
And all the media will fiddle while Rome burns,
acting like modern time Neros

yours in xtc,

Mark Strijbos at The Little Lighthouse


Message-ID: <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 15:09:56 -0700
Subject: Re: motorway turnpike

this is in response to the motorway-turnpike thread.
anyone ever noticed that in addition to 'english roundabout', andy p.
also did a song called 'rotary' (the american word for roundabout)? it's
not about a road though. it's about a dance.

i'm feeling extrovert,


Message-Id: <>
From: "Michael Davies" <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 19:45:37 -0500
Subject: We all wish we got advance CDs this early

> I notice the name Eric Woolfson in the credits to AV12

Wow, you've got that already?  What does it sound like?

Michael davies


Message-Id: <>
From: "Michael Davies" <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 19:48:40 -0500
Subject: British TV

> And this is the same nation that produced "The Larry Sanders Show"? Go
> figure. 'Mr Bean' I'll grant you willingly, John, but "Are You Being
> Served"? Are all those pussy jokes and the excrutiating gay
> affectations of Mr Humphries really so novel to Americans that they
> find it funny? That kind of humour is the reason vaudeville died,
> surely?

I liked "Are You Being Served" until I was about 11.  I saw every
episode with my family many times (well, my dad didn't like it).
Then when I hit puberty it was embarrassing to hear the pussy jokes.
The only really funny line I still remember is when Mr. Granger says
(about a point he is going to make to Mr. Rumbold) "After I have had
my tea I will bring it up before him."

As for other British shows that are on PBS...I don't like "Waiting
for God", I like "Keeping Up Appearances", I sometimes like "As Time
Goes By", and I really like "Red Dwarf", except we don't get it here.

Michael davies


Message-Id: <l03130300b34d016f5ce5@[]>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 20:18:26 +0100
From: MinerWerks <>
Subject: While perusing at Borders...

I spent yesterday afternoon at one of those wonders of the modern world -
the mall. And while a lot of that time made me reflect on the really
strange habits of people who are around ten years younger than I am, I
found a haven in the Borders Books and Music store...

While I generally abhor large chains that swallow up everything (I can hear
you now: then what were you doing at the mall?), Borders provides a couple
of things that bliss me out: 1) They have the best selection of books on
film and music, and 2) They have the most kick-ass selections at their
themed listening stations. In fact one of them, at this moment, is
featuring Apple Venus (right next to Siouxie Soux's new band, The
Creatures, of all things)...

While I listened to several selections throughout the store, I noticed a
lot of great new music out. I only wished I had the money to buy it all!
The next CD I will probably buy is Fountains of Wayne's "Utopia Parkway,"
because every track I heard at the listening station grabbed me with its
full-on pop assault in less than ten seconds. I also am inclined to pick up
Wilco's "Summer Teeth," with its eclectic sensibility, taking the band even
further from the "alt country" label it got stuck with back when their
first album was out. A few slots down from that disc was Sebadoh's "The
Sebadoh." Now, I've heard of Sebadoh, and several friends are huge fans,
but I've never been inclined to buy a Sebadoh disc until this one. Some of
the songs just had an edge that I think I'd like and also some of that pop

My absolute favorite listening station at Borders is "Pure Pop for Now
People," and there's always something good to be found there (for me,
anyway). This time, I took a liking to a new disc from Big Deal (they of
the all-power pop catalog) by The Merrymakers. Borders called them The
Beatles mixed with Squeeze, and while the music I heard didn't require
anything with more depth than that, it still was very interesting. There's
also a new artist named "Jude," who has a radio hit right now called "Rick
James," with a really hooky chorus. The little I heard of this disc sounded

Oh, lastly, I was out yesterday to buy the new Ben Folds Five album. I know
there's come crossover of fans here, so I just thought I'd share a bit on
the new disc. The title is "The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold
Messner," and the album is as strange as the title. I'm a big fan of the
band's eponymous debut record, but they've certainly grown in a number of
ways since. The new album features a lot of textures and musical ideas that
weren't even hinted at on that first one. The first track, "Narcolepsy," is
a doozy! I can see all the kids who got into the song "Brick" throwing this
disc out the window in frustration. Incidentally, if you're a big BFF fan,
then look for a special combo-pack that features the new CD plus a video of
live perfromances and assorted goofy footage for around $20.

Hey, I gotta listen to some music until Apple Venus Volume 2 is done!

 = Derek = (

 = Derek C. Miner =   *   Video Production and Webpage Design Services
 "Funk pop a roll consumes you whole
    Gulping in your opium so copiously from a disco
  Everything you eat is waste
    But swallowing is easy when it has no taste."  - Andy Partridge (XTC)


Message-ID: <900822C71730D2118D8C00805F65765C574611@EINSTEIN>
From: Jill Oleson <>
Subject: finally... that perfect funeral music
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 20:56:17 -0500

I went to a funeral recently.  It was a terrible affair.
Not because everyone was racked with pain over loosing
their dearly departed, but because the event was so
poorly scripted.  It was dull, boring, and, pardon the pun,
it was lifeless.  Plus, since I had never met the nonagenarian,
I had no idea what kind of person he had been or what kind
of life he had led.  What kind of service was that?

[Hey, I know some of you are laughing now--but this
is serious!]

The best funeral service I went to really captured the
essence of our sweet friend who decided that she just
couldn't stand our collective company any longer.  Being
alone for eternity somehow suited her needs better.
Needless to say, her death came as quite a shock to those
of us who knew her well.  Or thought we knew her well...

Her family brought objects from her life that had been
important to her.  Among them, candles, a black leather
Graceland jacket, and music.  Hearing her favorite music
as her family and friends spoke their parting words before
our group had such a powerful impact on me--on all of us.
It left us with a real sense of who she was and what she
meant to those who knew her.  And perhaps most
importantly, a real sense of how very much we would
miss her as the years pass on.

What music did they play, you wonder?  No, not XTC.
Mostly Robyn Hitchcock and Elvis Presley.  Two musical
artists whose creative works made a deep impression on
her.  Some would say their music kept her alive--at least
for a while.

All this has me thinking about my own funeral.  Not that
I'm planning to pass on anytime soon, but when/if I do,
I'd like to have a meaningful service--a service like hers.
I mean, if my funeral is going to be a wretched ceremony,
I simply will refuse to go!

So, what music do I want played at my own funeral?
I want "I Can't Own Her."  [I hope this doesn't offend you,
Andy.  I mean, I REALLY hope this doesn't offend you.]

Why that song?  It's the lyrics:

     Of all the things you've got
      the thing you want the most is her
     And that's a bitter pill
     And she's the one thing that you just can't have
     Taken with rain
     Which I swallow down with the swirling sky
     With the swirling sky

Think about it for a moment.  When the one you love has
gone permanently, isn't that the thing you want the most?
Yet you can't have it.  All the tears and all the rain can
never wash her back into your life.

More lyrics:

     I simply want her in my arms
     Forever more, is that an odd request?
     Is that something so funny?

I feel quite certain that this is not an interpretation of this
song that Andy had in mind when he wrote the song.  In
fact, I see this song as being a celebration of love, and as
such, a celebration of life.  Yet I feel, that for me, it would
also serve well as a celebration of a life that has passed.
A life that in this case would be my own.

    Is that something so funny?

I hope this admission doesn't trouble you.  I don't mean
for it to.

Jill Oleson


Message-Id: <v0300780eb34d9495dcaf@[]>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 23:46:58 -0500
From: Mitch Friedman <>
Subject: Reeves and Mortimer

Just wanted to point out that Andy is a HUGE fan of theirs and is always
telling me all the latest surreal plotlines of the last shows he's just


Message-Id: <>
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 22:30:43 -0600
From: Phil Corless <>
Subject: Stephen Duffy / Madness

Sorry about the non-XTC content, but.....

I've read quite a bit about Stephen Duffy on Chalkhills.   Can
anyone recommend his CD "Music in Colors" ?  Is it worth paying
$2.99 for at the used CD shop?

Also, the re-formed Madness will be on the Late Show with
David Letterman Thursday night.   Now if we could just get
Andy and Colin back on Letterman!


Message-Id: <v01540b05b34d903ff7d6@[]>
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 16:30:09 +1200
From: (James Dignan)
Subject: Re: British TV

>So, tell a Yank, what's a good British TV comedy and what's the
>difference, and what's the best thing that isn't being exported?

the best British series that AFAIK hasn't made it to America is not a
comedy, although it doesn have some great comedic moments. The Cop series
"Hamish Macbeth" (starring current big name Robert Carlyle) was Britain's
answer to Northern Exposure, and it was one of the best things I've seen on
TV. If you get a chance to see it, do so. If you don't, write to your TV
station and say that you want to.



Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 01:48:08 -0400
Subject: So, Mitch touts Gangway
Message-ID: <>
From: Elizabeth I Spencer <>

Hey Mitch,

Kudos for suggesting the song to Andy! Nice to know someone else
appreciates the tune...and it's just such a gloriously goofy choice as
the opener for AV2.

We await.


Liz Spencer

The jesters will creep in to strike down the newly-crowned monarch...


Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 02:35:31 -0400
From: Paul Badger <>
Subject: Tedious Muso Questions, I'm afraid
Message-ID: <>

Hi All,

Can anyone direct me to a website that lists Dave Gregory's guitars and
amps? I went searching through Bungalow before but couldn't find anything -
perhaps I did a bad search or something. I can remember coming across a
photo on some XTC webpage a few months ago showing a picture frame holding
twenty of so photos of each of Dave's guitars - anyone know where this is
so I can look at it again?

Now, as for those two strats that Dave has, highlighted by Andy in the
jokey lyric for Outside World - "He has two strats lying in their cases" -
does anyone know if they were identical in all ways, or did they have
different pickups and stuff? Which is what I would presume they would have.

Paul, UK


Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 02:35:30 -0400
From: Paul Badger <>
Subject: Buying CDs in the UK
Message-ID: <>

Just a note to say - belatedly! - thank you to those who wrote to me in
reponse to my query about what website to use to buy CDs in the UK. I think
the best site is - it's the closest the UK has to an
equivalent for amazon - although it can be much slower in the supply of
what you order. But the discounts are there. And there are other CD sites
listed at yahoo in the shopping/music section, although they don't seem to
be as extensive.

Paul, UK


Message-Id: <4782AD6ADDBDD2119B570008C75DD5C10A2FA8@MGMTM02>
From: Lawson Dominic <>
Subject: There there!
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 10:45:08 +0100

>> As for Morissette, I think there's a lot of emotional openness and
honesty in her songs

Well I guess it's just your opinion, but I do have to disagree quite
strongly with that one! Contrived, bleating, self-pitying "lookit meeeeee!"
attention-seeking crap, made purely to appeal to the intellectually dead MTV
generation - that's what Alanis Morrissette is all about. Oh, and
pseudo-profundity - that's a real favourite with our Alanis. And "Ironic" is
semantically dubious, not grammatically (although it might be both).

>> And I'll welcome negative commentary back, too (which I suppose should
be kept out of the digest).

Oops. Sorry!

Re: Mrs Slocombe's Vagina

I totally concur with the Blackadder/Fast Show/Reeves & Mortimer/Big
Train/Father Ted recommendations - all extremely fucking funny. Therein lies
an XTC connection as well, i.e. between Blackadder and the band. Any takers?
Also, I'd like to add a couple to that list, if I may....

(i)	The League Of Gentlemen - totally bizarre "sitcom" based around a
town called Royston Vasey which is largely cut off from the outside world,
and is populated by numerous seriously freaky characters. This show is very
bleak indeed, the blackest of humour interspersed with some delicious sick
slapstick (particularly the inept vet's unfortunate mishap with the cow - I
laughed until I threw up). Best of all, it mercilessly takes the piss out of
inbred country folk - always a good idea.

(ii)	Brass Eye / The Day Today - two classic shows, centred around the
genius Chris Morris (check out Glebe's Thrift Funnel at . Razor-sharp piss-takes of news and
current affairs programmes, brutal satire of the highest order. Absolutely
unmissable. Oh, you missed it. Never mind.

(iii)	 Oh, and don't forget "I'm Alan Partridge", arguably the funniest
thing I've ever watched - although I'm not sure how much of it would make
sense outside the UK.

>> But don't get smug, you Brits. To those who think *all* British comedy is
better, I need only cite two examples: "Love Thy Neihgbour" and "It Ain't
Half Hot, Mum".

Two words back at ya, Dunksy. Paul Hogan. I rest my (superior) case.

>> Incidentially, Tenpole Tudor was / were (whatever...grrr...) a great
band / group.  Buy the 2 CD set on Recall an enjoy some great music.  You
get all the B-sides too.

Sing hosannas! What's the title? Has it got "Real Fun" on it? I think we
should be told.  Oh, and Nicole, I wasn't joking about Metallica. What a


Scream!!!! When will people stop developing these persecution complexes?
There's no need to apologize for expressing your opinion, just put the bone
down a bit earlier next time, i.e. when you've been put straight once,
rather than numerous times. Speaking of which...

>> Oh, and Dom, since we've never had a word to say to each other about
ANYTHING on this list, I'd that that cuss-whipped response to what I was
saying on the subject as the first thing you've had to say to me about it
was way out of line, DUDE... or should I stoop and use another, more
decorative nickname for ya?

Call me whatever you like mate. It won't change the fact that (a) you were
completely wrong about something and seemed unable to accept the better
informed judgements of others and (b) it was getting really boring watching
you argue away with yourself about something 99% of us understood perfectly
in the first place. If my response struck you as a bit rude then I'm sorry,
but apart from the fact that it was actually pretty polite for me, someone
had to say something. The sound of Chalkhillians banging their heads against
a brick wall was drowning out the TV.



End of Chalkhills Digest #5-187

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