Chalkhills: Andy Partridge, Live 105, 1992

KITS FM, Live 105, San Francisco

Andy on Live 105 in 1992 with DJ Steve Masters and the Spent Poets. Andy fielded questions by phone and improvised various and sundry hilarious bits & pieces.

Transcribed by the effervescent Amanda (AMANDA) Owens - all comments in [] are hers.

[Spoken over the ending notes of THE UGLY UNDERNEATH]

Andy Partridge - Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today to administer the sacred Chainsaw of Thoth across the Holy Pudenda of Ningwap. Alright on your knees out there, this is Church of the Air. This is Church of St. Ricky, patron saint of interesting trousers.

Steve Masters - Alright, sure! Live 105, XTC music, and it's entitled simply-

AP - The sound of moo-sic. [Makes odd gagging noises.] Earthling humour, I like this. I will make a study, our planet can use this.

SM - [going to the phones.] Live 105, hello?

AP - Hello?

SM - Nobody there.

AP - No life, lights on.

Sm - Live 105.

Male caller - Hey, what's up?

AP - Uh, well not my trousers at the moment, unfortunately.

MC - I have two questions for you.

AP - Yes?

MC - Okay, I know the band is called XTC, do you guys actually take it?

AP - Uh, no.

MC - No?

AP - No, they named the drug after us, we've been called-no it's true! We used to be called the Helium Kidz, and in 1975 we changed our names to XTC and then somebody in the early 80's or late 80's came up with a drug. And I'm really pissed off that I didn't copyright the name. But where the hell am I going to collect the royalties from if I did, you know?

MC - Yeah. Also, on the Peter Pumpkinhead thing.

AP - Yeeeessssssss?

MC - Where did you get the idea for the whole JFK thing in the video?

AP - Uh well, the song is basically about this fellow who gets martyred for what he believes in, and seeing that it was going to be a single in America, I thought I'd pick on two big American patron saints, St. John, and uh, JC. I thought people would find the images memorable.

MC - Yeah, that's about it. Well thanks.

SM - Thanks for calling.

AP - Okay thank you, I'll be round later.

SM - Hey, we have to take a quick break. You're gonna still hang around right, we're gonna play some mroe music, we're gonna have some more fun, we're gonna take some more calls-"

AP - Oh I get such good fun.

SM - Here at Live 105, and I must do this. we are proud to welcome the Cure to the Bay Area, first time in three years, join Live 105 for the Cure.

AP - The Cure?

SM - Spartan Stadium-

AP - [affects an incredible Robert Smith impression.] Oh blimey! Oh krikey, I'm so miserable.

SM - Do you like the Cure?

AP - [still in Smith mode.] Oh I'm gonna have my lips removed! Oh look, I've got my lips cut off and I don't know where to put my lipstick. Oh no!

SM - Ladies and gentlemen, Andy Partridge and his imnpersonation of Robert Smith.

AP - Oh blimey!

SM - And they're playing at Spartan Stadium on the 4th of July, tickets on sale now or stay tuned to win. Be listening Tuesday for more on that.

AP - Oh please!

SM - Here at Live 105, we'll be right back! [commercial.] Welcome back, Live 105 FM radio station.

AP - I'm measuring my favorite import at the moment.

SM - Are you measuring it?

AP - It's just standing up.

SM - Andy Partridge is here, and we're just kinda talking about whatever nonsense we can come up with.

AP - I'm gonna do some origami live on the radio.

SM - Go ahead.

AP - Okay, hang on. [mike squeals] Oh!

SM - Whoa!

Ap - Turn that damn thing down! Hang on.

SM - Watch that!

AP - Okay, okay I have my sheet of paper here and now I'm folding and tearing [paper noises] and-hang on, I just-fold it in, okay there.

SM - Wow.

AP - Okay, look there, and a little there-

SM - It's the Eiffel Tower!

AP - Oh no, no, if you turn it this way you can see it's Ross Perot!

SM - Oh my God!

AP - But if I turn it this way you have the Battle of New Orleans! Look at that. Don't you wish you could, still look. Now gone, see? I can dispense with it, I can do it anytime I want. So I'm gonna be doing some ventriloquism on the radio after the next break.

SM - Alright.

AP - And maybe a little bit of tap dancing.

SM - Will you give us some of that ventriloquist expertise?

AP - Hello little Nubby [affects very squeaky voice.] Hi Andy!

SM - That was great. Back to the phones, Live 105, hello.

Male caller - Yeah, it's Peter.

AP - Hello Peter.

MC - How you doing?

AP - Okay.

P - I've got kind of an odd question for you.

AP - I've got kind of an odd answer coming.

P - Great, Andy, it's cool. Okay, what makes you decide in the studio to umm- if you're going to record the harmonies like with multi-tracks or if you're gonna have the other person sing?

AP - Uh, well, what makes us decide it?

P - Yeah, how do you decide, like on say Peter Pumpkinhead in the third verse, you know you got the multi track harmony there, what decides if uh, like you're gonna do it or if the other guy's gonna sing.

AP - [The Spent Poets have been giggling the whole time.] You're battling against a roomful of people here.

P - Oh sorry. I'm at work here, I can barely hear.

AP - Well should I yell, then?

P - No, I can hear you alright.

AP - Okay. Uhh, there's no kind of set thing. I mean usually whoever's song, whoever wrote the song sings it and the other two have the unfortunate job of having to harmonise with him. Umm, it kind of gravitates towards that, to be truthful. Uh, I'm a big sucker for counter melodies as well, you know, those tunes that after awhile you notice that there are two songs going on at the same time. I like that sort of thing.

P - Yeah, that's really cool. Okay.

AP - Thank you.

P - Thank you.

SM - Live 105, hello?

Male caller - Hi.

Ap - Hi, pull your trousers on, you're speaking to me now.

MC - [laughs] When are we going to hear something from the Dukes of Stratosphear?

AP - Ahh, yes. Come on, I think if I can twist his little arm here, he'll play some Dukes today.

SM - No, we can do it right now, I think his question was is there going to be another Dukes record on the way.

MC - Well you can play some too, that's great.

AP - Okay, well we're gonna....I've been letting the cat out of the bag a bit, we're contemplating-you see the Dukes are dead. We killed them horribly in this bizarre accident involving rusty kitchen implements and a vat of scalding treacle and stuff. But they're dead and gone, long live the Dukes. But their children are contemplating making, uh, a bubblegum album.

MC - Cool.

AP - And we have the songs and we have uh, all the means and stuff like that, it's just that we're [I can't understand what he says here] on the moral issue of should we be dabbling in the least popular music form ever. [Spent Poets laugh.] See what I mean?

MC - Well you're forgetting the Banana Splits, they were real popular.

AP - Hah! Fleagle, and where did he get the name Drooper? What drooped? How did he get that name?

MC - So the children of the Dukes are going to be in fuzzy costumes on tv?

AP - I think so, and we'll all insist on having those little dune buggies as well you know.

MC - Great. Can't wait to hear it.

AP - Okay.

MC - Okay, good luck.

AP - Alright, see you.

SM - Oh boy. Whew, uh, ready to introduce a song?

AP - Yeah, what should we have, let's have uh [Andy goes into a litany of talking backwards. Oh hell, turn the backward effect off!

SM - Okay, the way back machine is now aligned.

AP -Okay, Hi! It's nice to be here!

SM -Great to see you!

AP - Great to come along, yeah.

SM - Ah, you look great.

AP - Don't touch the deja vu control again.

SM - Okay.

AP - We're gonna have Dear Madum Barnum now.

SM - Here it is on Live 105. Excellent. [song] Ah, Live 105.

Ap - Ah, that's better.

SM - And XTC.

AP - Ah, that's much better. So, do we have any more mere mortals out there that wish to uh-

SM - Sure, of course we do.

AP - If you have any questions about the origin of the universe and stuff. Hello who could this be....there's no one there.

Female caller - [VERY ditzy, very sterotypical valley girl type voice.] Is this Steve Masters?

SM - Yeah, that's me. I'm here but Andy Partridge is here too.

FC - Oh hey, what's up Andy?

AP - [In evil voice] Hey, wicked conscience here. Go on abuse her, it's a chick, you can get away with it. [angelic voice] No, don't listen to him. [back to evil voice] No, don; tlisten to that homo on your other shoulder, go on, say something about the shape on her, go on.

FC - I just wanted to call and see what's up. [Ditzy laughter]

AP - Uh, the price of meat, uh, that's pretty high at the moment. What's up in your neck of the woods?

FC - Oh nothing much.

SM - Who's calling please?

FC - This is Kim.

SM - Kim, where do you live?

K - I live in San Ramon.

SM - San Ramon.

K - I was at the [something or other] last night Steve.

SM - That was fun, huh?

K - Oh it was so much fun.

SM - That was deep.

K - What?

SM - That went deep into psychedelic mode.

K - Yeah.

AP - Hmm.

K - That was great though.

SM - Well, thanks for calling Kim.

K - Alright.

AP - Kim, do you like lard?

K - Do I...lard?

AP - Yes.

K - Isn't that like that fat stuff you use for cooking or something?

AP - Yes. Do you like it? I don't think we treat lard with enough respect.

K - Really? Oh no. [Oh please is more like it.]

AP - Anyway, it was nice to speak with you about the disrespectful treatment of lard.

K - [More ditzy laughter]

Ap - And I think you'll know more to treat it with respect in the future young lady!

K - Okay.

AP - Don't come around here treating lard in that sort of fashion and expect to get away with it!

K - Okay, talk to you guys later.

AP - Cheerio.

K - Bye.

SM - Dare we take another call?

AP - Oh please, I'm bending over, give me another call. I'm ready to take some more phone.

MC - Jesus Christ, who was that anyway?

AP - [laughing] Uh, she's saving for a brain, don't mock.

SM - Live 105.

MC - Think she called the wrong station.

SM - Who's this? You're on Live 105.

MC - This is David from Berkeley.

AP - Hello David from Berkeley, what an unusual name.

D - Oh it is. Spelled backwards it's even worse.

AP - Mister F. from Berkeley. [More backwards talk]

D - Anyway, it's a pleasure to talk to you. What's it like running into and shaking hands with numerous rabid, psychotic, and foaming at the mouth fans?

AP - I've cured a few.

D - My legs fell off after talking to you, can I blame you for that?

AP - [laughs] Yes, one touch from me and all limbs go nyuh. It was good fun actually, I so rarely get winkled out from underneath my stone.

D - Uh huh. I was sort of surprised that you would do that rather than bring your guitar along and play for us.

AP - Oh no, I like talking.

D - Mmm-hmm.

AP - Talking is a real pleasure, as you can see by the sort of wordy stuff that's coming out of my mouth.

D - Oh, you've been so sedate so far.

AP - Yes I have, I'm kind of into overdrive now.


AP - It's the end of a long day, and I have that wicked mode coming on. [Laughs wickedly]

D - What was the inspiration for Poor Skeleton Steps Out?

AP - The uh, somehwta ironic idea that after you die and you're reduced to a skeleton, there's no more sexism, no more racism.

D - No more sex, period.

AP - Well I don't know, I've had some very rewarding sex with skeletons, thank you.

D - Oh!

AP - You try keeping them quiet though. [Rhythmically bangs on the tabletop]

D - They go to pieces on you everytime.

AP - Stop rattling! No it's uh, I like the idea of when people die there's no barriers, there's no skin colour, uh because there's no skin! Uh, and there's no sexism and stuff.

D - Hmm.

AP - Which is a shame because there should be no sex barriers, no race barriers now.

D - Absolutely.

AP - Sex barriers.

D - Oh we do have sex barriers. It's called condoms.

AP - Earthlings behave or we will send more sex barriers to your planet.

D - And are we gonna have to wait another couple years to hear the next, uh-

AP - I hope not [well that hope's been dashed by about four years or so.] Umm, in a perfect world I'd have an album out every six months if I could, but you try telling that to them record companies.

D - They're a pain in the butt.

AP - They're a window in the bottom as we say.

D - Well it was a great pleasure to talk to you.

AP - Okay, see you.

D - Bye bye.

SM - Thanks for calling. Umm, another song maybe? Describe these musical pleasures as we go along.

AP - I tell you what, what we should do is take a call & ask someone to pick a number between 1 and 17, and whatever it is, we'll play it.

SM - Live 105.

FC - Hi.

AP - Hi, pick a number between 1 and 17.

FC - Does it count if I'm looking at the back of the cd?

AP - Oh! Oh go on, alright, what do you want?

FC - Alright, so I guess I get to pick my favorite.

AP - Alright.

FC - Definitely number 6.

AP - Hang on, 1-2-3-4-5-6, ooh, it's The Disappointed!

FC - I love it.

AP - My goodness.

FC - It's my favorite.


FC - I couldn't make it out to see you today and I was so disappointed about it, so I want you to play The Disappointed.

AP - Oh alright. We'll lapse into this one.

SM - And here it goes now on Live 105. [song]

AP - And as the band sinks majestically in the west, oh there's a hell of a fade on that one.

Sm - That one, that one just goes, wait a minute now. [goes back and plays the last few minutes of TD, which abruptly stops.] What's up with that, did you do that on purpose?

AP - Subtle. No it cross [laughs] yeah, I just did it, look do you want me to nyuh nyuh. I just did it with the amazing power of nylon. I can project nylon through space. Look, he's now wearing them. Uh, I think it's cause it cross fades with another track there. SM - Oh is that what it does, it sort of butts right up against it?

AP - Oh butts! Oh butts! I've been away for two weeks, don't say words like that. Uh, should we talk to some other one-celled form of pond life?

SM - Oh, you wanna take a few more calls? You got it. Live 105 FM radio station, let's see. What're all these lines, they must be-

AP - Hey, mere normals, who's calling?

FC - Hi, uh, is it possible for me to ask Andy a question?

AP - [Takes a big long noisy breath] Yeah alright.

FC - Andy, this is Becky, and um, I just, first of all I wanted to call and thank you for making yourself available in San Francisco.

AP - Oh I'm so available you wouldn't believe.

B - Oh no, no!

AP - Mr. Available, Andy Available Partridge. Sorry, go on, carry on.

B - No, I just thought it was really cool for you, uh, to be out there. And actually, my question was for Agony Andy.

AP - Oooh! Oh I love problems. Actually, I must tell you this, this is a true story, I'm not mucking around. I did this phone in in LA a few days back. They have this problem line, it's called Love Line on one of these stations, and this, uh, this girl rang in who said she masturbates at least ten times a day, and that she was masturbating on air, to my voice. It was marvelous, that made my whole trip. So you've gotta go some.

B - Uh, I don't know if I can really top that though.

AP - You go on, Agony Andy will try and answer your question.

B - Okay, umm. Dear Agony Andy. I'm an aspiring musician who desperately needs direction, but first out band needs a good name. Any suggestions?

AP - Hmm, umm, phew. I don't know how you'd spell that, but [there's a break in the tape here, so a part is missing.] talking if fluent English at the moment.

B - Like popsicles or something?

AP - Yeah, that sort of thing, no, let's find a bit, somebody come up with a name, there's a roomful of people here, must have a name the, for the band.

SP - Stiff Awakenings.

AP - Stiff Awakenings, Preparation G. Preparation G, it's a little harder than Preparation H. It's more of a kind of , more of a sort of-

B - Wrong direction we're going in, Andy.

AP - More of a rocking sensation.

B - Right.

AP - Actually, my favorite name for any band was a band in the late 70's in England, used to turn up at all these free festivals and play, and they had the greatest name, they were called the Sex Beetles, which is like THE name, the quintescential name. I can't really help you, you're gonna have to throw a thesaurus up in the air and look how it lands, really.

B - Okay, I appreciate that, and real quick, the drummer that I brought had a question, that uh, why do you use different drummers on each album?

AP - Because they keep spontaneously combusting on us.

B - Like Spinal Tap

AP - Yeah, we started out with one called Stumpy Joe and I don't know what happened to him. Because we don't have a regualr drummer we might as well have the pick of the crop, you know? [Gay voice] Why stag yourself, girl?

B - Any favorites that you've worked with so far?

AP - Uh yeah, all of them is the answer. They're all uh, rather brilliant and uh, it's a dream situation because it puts you in this sort of hareem [sic?] situation where you can get the most amazing drummers just by ringing them up and saying "Hey, come play on our record", and usually they do.

B - Well it's an honor for them

AP - Well I wouldn't say that, but it's a hareem situation for us, you know, cause we get to play with some of the best beaters in the world.

B - Did that have anything to do with that previous [something] signing in LA or was it just something that uh-

AP - No, not at all.

B - Well listen Andy, thanks again for coming to San Francisco and it was great to have a chance to meet you.

AP - Cheers, umm before you go, I just realised that the compression on this mike is so amazing. You can make the most infinitely amazing noises on mike, umm, only restricted by how loud people turn their radios up. So if everyone will turn their radio up really kind of startlingly loud, I'm going to make some interesting noises, here I go. [Makes very odd noises ranging from squeaks to farts to groans]

SM - That was beautiful.

AP - Thank you, I've always wanted to do that, THAT loud.

Sm - Why don't you just put out a sound-effects record?

AP - Some of our critics have considered that we do, actually.

SM - I think it owuld be a big selling product.

AP - Would be much improved if I tried music.

Sm - Hey thanks for calling up. Alright, we need some more music.

AP - We do, we need some music. How would we say, not enough music, your majesty.

Sm - So you've got to play some more music.

AP - Come on then, musicate me.

Sm - What do you want? You're the guest DJ?

AP - Let's have some old shit, man, get out that Oranges & Lemons disc, man.

SM - There it is, I have it, it's right here.

AP - Now what should we hear, Garden of Earthly Delights? Let's psychedelisize. I can speak American, listen [country accent] Howdy. Howdy, burger. I've been practising all week. [For some reason, Holly Up On Poppy is played instead of Garden of Earthly Delights]

SM - Live 105

AP - Come back!

SM - Andy Partridge our special in studio guest tonight. It's really killer.

AP - I'm giving off the smell of formaline something awful.

SM - Okay, hi, we were gonna play some more music, weren't we?

AP - Yeah, that would be a good thing to do on this music program.

SM - That's right, and you are like the guest DJ, I would say, because you've been picking all the songs, and-

AP - Actually, I've just been throwing darts at stuff over by the wall and uh, it just so happens to have landed, strangely enough, on, uh well I think I can tell you what it is, the Spent Poets are going to introduce their own song here they're gonna yell it across the room. So what are we gonna hear, Spent Poets?

SP - In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

AP - No, the great lyrics of our time. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida BABY. Like that adds real, kind of real Sartry [fudge up of Sartre] real Sartre [pretends to hock one and spit] Jean Paul Sartry! Oh sorry, has anyone got a brain they can donate to me this evening? Okay, so what are we gonna hear?

SP - [I can't understand what he says, but it's apparently a song title]

AP - Mr. Brown, eat this!

SM - There we go. [SP song is played, followed by commercials and Peter Pumpkinhead]

SM - Live 105. Cool!

AP - Well slightly tepid, actually.

SM - When I heard that song for the first time I go, you know, that has the same kind of thing as Mayor of Simpleton, like this guy's kind of normal, not that all together, and he's got this great song written about him. You know what I mean?

AP - Yeah.

SM - Am I wrong on this feeling?

AP - Get out! Get out! Never darken my doilies again. I can feel supreme sex waves coming over the air, we should answer some more of those calls.

SM - Alright, some more calls comin' up. Alright, how you doing? Live 105 FM.

MC - Hello!

AP - Hi.

MC - I saw XTC in about 1977 with the Police in an armoury.

AP - Oh my goodness, in an armoury? Oh God, I remember that!

MC - You remember that?

AP - Oh, I remember that.

MC - Excellent show.

AP - Oh, say that again, say "excellent" again.

MC - I saw XTC with the Police-

AP - No, just say the word "excellent" again, just want to get that accent.

MC - Excellent. XTC-llent.

AP - Excellent.

MC - I'll make a new word.

AP - [affects a voice like Tattoo from Fantasy Island] I like this America country.

MC - Right sir.

AP - So, my goodness we spoiled you rotten even then.

MC - Oh yeah, definitely, and I've loved every album I've looked forward to it every couple of years when you come up with some new stuff, and I love it.

AP - Oh my goodness, the check's in the post!

MC - Thank you very much.

AP - [laughs] I marry you, yes?

MC - Thank you very much Andy.

AP - Thank you.

MC - Okay.

AP - Hello, who's calling food nutrient hour?

SM - Hello, Live 105, anybody there?

MC - Hello?

AP - Hello.

MC - Hello, hi guys.

AP - I can smell clubbed seal.

MC - Sorry I'm not giving off sex waves or anything.

AP - I think you're giving off sex waves. This testosterone frenzy going on, I know. Take your hands off it.

MC - Umm, okay well I have kind of a dumb, inane question for you.

AP - Yeeessss?

MC - Okay, well I don't know if you've heard of other musicians doing weird things while singing, like on an album or something, like, umm, I think it was Michael Stipe singing in the nude or something, but uh-

AP - Yes?

MC - Uh, out of pure dumb curiosity, just wondering if you do anything weird like that when you sing that helps you out when-

AP - I have to have Michael Stipe in the nude next to me everytime I do a vocal. [one of the Spent Poets laughs and says "Yeah!", Andy laughs] Who said "Yeah!"? He's very small like that person they shrunk in the Fly. [squeaky voice] Help, help! Umm, what do I do, let me think, what do I do, anything unusual, umm-

MC - Too personal probably.

AP - I like to have that long rubber shark, you know the real soft rubber one with a gaping nouth, and a thing of baby oil and I'm away.

MC - Is that legal in London?

AP - No, everything's legal in England. I mean, we're a nation that collects everything, has rotten teeth, and gets off on sort of spanking each other, so everything's pretty legal over there.

MC - Oh wow.

AP - Uh, no I don't really do anything. Not that I can remember, actually, when you hang up it'll suddenly strike me, oh God yes! I have to have my bowels lowered and laid along a sideboard before I can sing. No, I don't do anything different.

MC - Okay, well thanks a lot.

AP - Okay, cheerio.

SM - Live 105, hi.

FC - Hi.

AP - Hi.

FC - Hi, this is Lisa from San Mateo.

AP - Hello Lisa from [talks gibberish] I didn't hear what you said.

L - San Mateo.

AP - San Mateo. What's that? Sounds like some sort of cheap sherry, what is it?

L - That's right, straight from Portugal.

AP - You milk chickens and let it ferment a month and you have this kind of egg yolk sherry thing.

L - Eww, no!

AP - Not a drop sold till it's five seconds old, that sort of thing.

L - Well you just added new meaning to this place.

AP-So yes, how can I make your life more wondrous?

L-I heard you when you hosted Rock Over London from your house.

AP - Yes.

L - I thought that was a lot of fun.

AP - Well it wasn't bad, we had to edit out all the squeaking settee noises as we're wriggling around on the sofa there, but uh-

L - Yeah, the ice cream van came through, I like that.

AP - [cracks up laughing] Yes, you're right! It did! I'm gonna sing it for you right now. Then it's usually followed by the squelch of a kid who looked the wrong way.

AP - [Goes into motherly voice] Ahh! My firstborn! Did you save the ice cream? Oh thank goodness it didn't get any fluff on it!

L - Oh God. I was gonna ask you, you were talking about, you were interested in like, early music?

AP - Yeah, kind of anything on at about 4 A.M. No, early music as in late medieval, early Renaissance, the type like that.

L - Yeah. So what's gonna be up with that?

AP - Pardon?

L - Are you gonna do something, an album-

AP - No, I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to understand what the hell it was all about but I do like it.

L - Uh-huh.

AP - I mean, I've just about got the hang of this pop stuff and uh, me and crumhorns, we just don't get on.

L - I think you've mastered that.

AP - Hey, how do you know what I've done with a crumhorn?

L - No, no!

AP - I've mastered it, I've wrestled it to the floor, you filthy crumhorn. Join the saxophone in the punishment cell. You're not fit to lick my double tenor reed.


AP - I'm getting into severe overdrive now, I think I need to go and lie down.

L - Well it was great talking to you though.

AP - Okay, cheerio.

L - Bye bye.

SM - We've got time for one more call and then uh-

AP - Let's have it, this better be bloody fabulous.

SM - Hello, Live 105.

AP - What do you do that's fantastic?

FC - Hi, this is Michelle from San Francisco.

AP - Mmm-hmm.

M - How are you?

AP - Can you impersonate any trees?

M - Uh, the larch.

AP - Okay do it. Oh! That was great!

M - It's silent.

AP - Made the whole trip.

M - Speaking of things medieval, can you tell me a little about the castle, the drawing of the castle from Surrey on the cover of Nonsuch?

AP - Well I'd have to click into serious mode if you can bear me.

M - Yeah, I'm really interested in that, and the drawings on the back that illustrate each song, especially Wrapped In Grey.

AP - Umm, 2 different things. The castle on the front was built in the early 1500's by Henry VIII, not personally, he never rolled his sleeves up and slapped a load of stuff on bricks or anything. But he deemed it be built, so he deemed, "I want it built, mmm, there." And they smashed down a village called Covington, which must've really pissed off the entire population of Covington. He built this wonderful palace, uh which was supposed to be the very architectural height of architectuosity, if such a word exists. It does now! And uh, this thing was like the best that could be bested in architecture, and somebody bought it from the crown and sold it to pay off gambling debts and had it pulled down. So like, the greatest piece of English architecture was pulled down to pay off somebody's gambling debts.

M - My God.

AP - And uh, I like the word "Nonsuch", it's just a nice word.

M - Yeah. I love it.

AP - And the drawings on the back, are umm, they call them chapbook drawings, they're supposed to educate children, you know, you gave a pic then you have a word underneath it, and the child is supposed to look at the drawing and copy the word and all that sort of stuff.

M - I see.

AP - Uh huh, and that's all it is and you can suck the goodness out of the sleeve, really.

M - Can you play Wrapped In Grey before you leave, or is that too mellow for Live 105?

AP - They ought to really, shouldn't they?

M - It's beautiful.

AP - Oh please play it, oh please.

M - Please!

AP - We're looking longingly.

SM - I wanna do it, but we've got to take care of the fabulous Live 105 sponsors.

AP - We've got to pay the rent, so don't go away.

M - Alright, bye Andy.

AP - I've been here for a while.

M - Happy trails.

AP - Thank you. [Here, Andy reads off a long list of sponsors and giveaway at the staton, and it was very boring, so in the interest of time and space I took it out.]

SM - Thanks a lot for doing the ticket counter.

AP - Yeah, tear into something interesting, so a spot more origami. Look, the Battle of Waterloo! Thank you, thank you. Hey, should we play a song or what?

SM - The one that people said, "Oh they ain't gonna play that on Live 105!"

AP - Somebody who couldn't afford a phone pulled a waxed cup and a piece of string very taut and said "Please play Wrapped In Grey" before their string went slack, so here is Wrapped In Grey.

SM - On Live 105

AP - The "c" is slient at the front, actually.

SM - Thank you.

AP - Thank you! [song]

SM - Ahhh. You know, I felt like I was just in a movie.

AP - You looked like you were. Sort of 2D and black & white.

SM - It was so intense, man.

AP - What was it, it was sort of like a Yogi Bear's Christmas or something.

SM - Some, some like snow falling and Dr. Zhivago over there, and it was a trip.

AP - 2002.

SM - There you go.

AP - That was a great film.

SM - A Space Nudity.

AP - The Lady Was a Trampolinist. Should I leave now, should I go?

SM - Well where are you gonna go? I mean, everyone's listening, people want to know, they want to know "Well where can we go party with that guy, he sounds like he's fun, I'd like to go hang out with Andy Partridge tonight!"

AP - No actually he's terribly mentally disturbed, I think I ought to go lay down and rub onions on myself.

SM - Are you gonna go out tonight?

AP - And eat some dinner.

SM - You're gonna eat some food.

AP - Yeah, that would be my first choice. A slow moving waiter would be my second choice. Do you eat vegetarian? Just wipe its ass, I'll eat anything. [The Spent Poets disgustedly groan here.]

SM - Umm, killer. Live 105 FM, Andy Partridge, thanks for stopping by.

AP - Cheers medears.

SM - And sharing your wordly knowledge.

AP - I'll get back up to Mt. Olympus now and carry on with my model of some obscure battleship from 1840 made entirely of matchsticks.

SM - And then you're gonna put some firecrackers in it and blow it up?

AP - I'm leaving, I'm out of here, I'm actually out of here, I'm going, bye earthlings! You won't hear of me again! [Voice gets progressively higher throughout this.]

SM - And thank you very much for stopping by. Andy Partridge. Hey, we're gonna take a break, but we'll be right back.

All original work is acknowledged as being the copyright of the originator.